How To Drive Your Car Properly (Because You Totally Aren’t)

Driving in Lebanon is a horrendous affair. It is a lawless, no-man’s land of honks and bad decisions. Although it is impossible to improve your driving ability just through reading, it is possible to educate yourself about the numerous features included in your car to make your driving experience, and everyone else’s, a little safer and more manageable.

Turn signals are not an accessory.
They are included in your car for a very important reason. This, however, does not seem to be common knowledge. The switch for the turn signal is located a few measly centimeters away from the steering wheel. This simple lever, which takes mere seconds and minimal effort to operate, is one of the most underused features by drivers in Lebanon. If you plan on making a turn, or changing lanes, or driving off a cliff, let everyone know by using your turn signal. Accidents can be avoided if drivers can anticipate the movement of other drivers rather than sit and wait for whatever ridiculous thing they’re going to do next.

High beams are not an accessory.
Don’t just turn them on when you’re feeling special. They’re incredibly distracting and potentially harmful. They should only be used on dark highways at night, not in the middle of the city when you are two meters behind another car. There should be at least a 500 meter difference between your car if you want to turn on your high beams. You also shouldn’t need to use them in the middle of a well-lit city. Turning on your high beams when you’re behind another vehicle is incredibly distracting, but speeding down a road flashing your high beams against oncoming traffic is even more distracting because you are essentially blinding drivers on the other side of the road. By doing so, you will also be referred to as an asshole by everyone in the vehicle.

Car horns are not an accessory.
The next time you feel the creeping sensation that you absolutely have to honk your horn for no reason whatsoever, just wait a second and think about it. Blasting your horn is not going to make traffic disappear. In fact, it’s just going to make the already frustrating experience all the more so. Just turn on the air conditioner, crank up your music, and calm the fuck down. You will make it home in time to watch Fatma, I promise.

Considering the country’s choice of cars and repulsive driving skills, sometimes it seems as if everyone’s ideal vehicle would be some unnecessarily huge monster truck with no muffler, no turn signals, and a horn capable of sending out emergency warnings of an impending nuclear meltdown. Top that off with nonsensical decals and red leather seats, and you have what I like to call the “Honda Apocalypse.” It will sound like the world is ending every time you drive by.

Unfortunately, cars and road rules are designed in an attempt to ensure you don’t cease living (the medical term is “die”). It may take some time for everyone to accept the fact that they have to make use of all the safety features in the vehicle, but it’s worth starting to get into the habit of using your vehicle properly because those gawky European engineers designed it that way for a reason. Also put on your seat belt. It wouldn’t kill you.