Five Realistic Resolutions for the New Year

In all reality, we all know resolutions fall through in a week or less. That inexplicable spurt of motivation dies out in all of two weeks, and that no-carb diet fades as soon as we see a hint of spaghetti. So, I’ve decided to make realistic resolutions this year. And I have decided to make them awesome.

1. Learn to properly feed myself.
Though I’m more than content with a pb&j or eggs, I feel it is about time that I learn how to actually cook a meal. I have reached a point in my life where pop-tarts can only go so far, and meals of popcorn and cheerios aren’t all that exciting anymore. And so, I promise to venture into the world of too many spices, green things and stuff that needs chopping. Results will be varied.

2. Become one with technology.
Possibly my hardest resolution thus far, as I live with a computer science major, two hard-core tech geeks, and I’m friends with the technologically gifted. I, who have trouble connecting the TV to the DVD (I still am not quite sure how) do solemly endeavor to actually learn my way around infernal touch screens and the black magic that is wiring. And if I electrocute myself along the way, I will take it as a battle scar.

3. Acquire fashion sense.
Okay, so this resolution may or may not be realistic. Anyone who is friends with me can attest to my love of too many patterns and colors and weird shirts, which too often combine into heinous displays that should only be discovered in unicorn barf. Stripes and argyle and flowers do not match—apparently. And this year, I mean to discover why.

4. Speak more Arabic.
Lady: “Kfik auntie?” Me: “Mnee7a…”
*Awkwardly sit in silence for hours.*

I internally cringe when I am required to speak in Arabic. Though my speaking skills are pretty alright, my dialect is Egyptian and my vocabulary is limited – posing for many an awkward scenario when meeting new people. Thus I will strive to internally cringe until I puke in Arabi, all while hoping that no one ever asks me my opinion on foreign affairs. Because I don’t even know how to say “foreign affairs” in Arabic. God help me.

5. Be a better person.
Yeah, okay I know this one is cheesy. And I know we all say this every year. But I actually really do mean it. I want to be a better person in every possible way—and I think we should all try our best with this one. I want to walk into a coffee shop and buy a random stranger a cup of coffee. I want to take a beggar off the street shopping. I want to be kinder and less moody and more generous. And even if I don’t accomplish any of my other resolutions, I will be content knowing that I at least tried to do this one. And I shall start today. Hurray!

POST EDIT

Foreign Affairs = Chou2oun Al Kharjia