Whether it’s the glistening waves lapping at Raouché’s Pigeons Grotto or the posh air of downtown’s upscale establishments, Beirut cements itself time and time again as the region’s eternal pearl. However, just as the jewel comes from an irritating grain of sand, even Beirut makes life less than pleasant every once in a while.
Besides the lack of structure, crippling traffic, and general lawlessness, there are more than a few reasons why there comes a time when you just can’t seem to love Beirut.
If you’ve lived here long enough to know the difference between your Uruguay’s, Hamra’s and MarMike’s you’ll begin to suffer from a chronic case of déjà vu: every night out feels just like the last. In spite of Beirut offering a huge array of drinking holes, chill pubs, and clubbing destinations, there comes a night in every Beiruti’s life when the Almaza in your hand and the rap music blaring in your ear has you convinced it’s last week all over again. It really isn’t as cool as you think to have “your” place; it just means you’ve settled and are playing it safe. Break out of the funk and get lost in Beirut, you won’t regret it.
With 2013 bringing us news that the first 4G networks were being rolled out in select areas, most people laughed at the irony that current service was so poor they couldn’t even buffer the launch video. With dropped calls becoming as Beiruti as Abo Al Abed and mobile data blindspots more frequent than the potholes in Hamra, the capital has become synonymous with poor service and exorbitantly priced packages. I wouldn’t be surprised if you get that dreaded “you’ve reached 100% of your consumption limit” message before the end of this list. It’s the 21st century Beirut, get with the times.
Whether it’s raining bullets or bullet-like hail stones, Beirut does not know how to do rain right. This winter is testament to that, with heavy showers not coming in until early spring. Whoever came up with the phrase “when it rains, it pours” definitely lived in the Lebanese capital. When you have infrastructure that’s too ill-equipped to handle any amount of precipitation, don’t be surprised when you see the neighborhood cats floating every time a little drizzles passes over. As for the bullets, it’s just a Lebanese way of exuberantly celebrating speeches, “victories”, or just about anything else. It’s not like it’s dangerous or anything.
It’s humorously said that everything in Lebanon has its price. Unfortunately for you, that price is never affordable and leaves your wallet a lot lighter than one would like. From ridiculously priced $10 beers to $1,000 a pop nightclub tables, Beirut is legendary when it comes to overpricing everything. That and creating a business out of just about anything, from bagging groceries to delivering your dry-cleaning, make this city ridiculously financially unfeasible. Suffice it to say, most people who call Beirut home constantly suffer from having too much month at the end of their money. Sometimes memories are truly priceless, but then again, maybe a bag of crisps and a DVD DOES sound a lot more fun than Uruguay tonight.
Those new to Lebanon’s unadulterated bureaucracy are quick to learn one necessary word for avoiding potential suffering and red tape: wasta. Now, reasonable individuals would recoil at the thought of playing the system, but to the Lebanese it’s a source of pride up there with “my car’s better than yours” syndrome. Yes, you’ve found a people who derive pleasure from knowing that in case they were arrested their connections could have them out of Hbeish “be talefoon wa7ad”. However, there’s nothing worse than being out-wasta-ed by someone who can pull more strings than you. Beiruti’s take that personally, even worse than the actual damage incurred. Isn’t it just the worst when your story about playing marbles with the Captain is trumped by your enemy’s coffee date with the General?
(GIF via tumblr.com)
