Listomania
Nur Turkmani

The Fourteen Types of Dancers You’ll See at a Lebanese Party

Walk into a party in this country, and you are bound to see at least one of these characters.

1. Kristel, the Pouter and Fake-Smiler

(Image via Tumblr.com)

She thinks she’s the sh*t, and is oblivious to the fact that her surgical lip plump gives her a trout-pout.

Those are not real lips, honey. And yes we can tell.

She is too cool – and too busy sizing up everyone in the room – to dance. So she feigns bodily movement by taking one step forward and two back, all the while taking visual notes on how Amir is dancing with Nadine, and Salma is wearing the same shoes she wore yesterday [gasp].

2. The Techno Dancer with Spiky Hair and Multicolored Vans
(Image via Tumblr.com)

Oh c’mon Ali! The music is rap, why are you dancing like David Guetta’s illegitimate love child?

3. Khadija, the Arab Beyonce Who is Not Pulling it Off
(Image via Tumblr.com)

Gurl, it ain’t workin’ out. Either take hip-hop classes or stop.

4. John, the Dude Who Thinks it’s Funny to Dance Like a Girl
(Image via Tumblr.com)

This is the Lebanese guy who makes it a point to shake his hips and have people clap for him because he’s just so hilarious.

Ya Allah shu mahdoom ya Johnnn!

5. The Dabke Folks
(Image via Tumblr.com)

You won’t find these at a club party – they only bring out the magic at house parties. Regardless, they will carry on with the four-step dabke until the late hours of the night and no you can’t stop them.

6. The Straight Guys Who Just Like to Dance with Other Guys
(Image via Tumblr.com)

Gay couples dancing together is totally fine but at Arab parties, for some reason, you will find straight men clapping and shaking their asses for one another.

I’m totally cool with it.

7. Jean Pierre, the Lebanese Jagal
(Image via Tumblr.com)

He doesn’t even try, and he still gets all the ladies. We’re not sure if it’s his guns, his swift moves on the dance floor, or those shiny shoes. Could it be all three?

8. Mohammed and Jana, the Hip-Hop Duo
(Image via Tumblr.com)

They make the entire club go crazy with their insane moves, rap about the war in Lebanon and rhyme Lebanese curse words with English ones.

9. Ruby, the Lebanese Belly Dancer
(Image via Tumblr.com)

She’s got a keresh, but she don’t care. It’s an English song, but she don’t care.

10. 3’Ammo Kareem, the Womanizer
(Image via Tumblr.com)

This is your dad’s friend or friend’s father who dances with women ten years younger than him. His suave moves? Slowly revolving around his target with a creepy smile, or two.

11. Maria, The Tower

(Photo via Tumblr.com)

Maria wears heels higher than the Empire State Building. This Lebanese dancer is known for her breast-exposing lean backs. However, her movements do not exceed beyond the 5 mm radius she has set up for herself, for the sole reason of maintaining class and sex appeal.

12. Bilal and Rawan, the Awkward Couple
(Image via Tumblr.com)

Every time these two love birds make it to a party, their family or friends force them to dance and they just want to be left alone – but Arabs can be pretty pushy. They move in circles and clap for one another.

13. The Girl Whose Cousin Just Caught Her Dancing Dirty
(Image via Tumblr.com)

She started out the night having a great time until her cousin found her dancing a bit too close to her friend, and quickly left the club to report it to the family.

She has to keep her cool or all her friends will think she’s a loser, but on the inside, she is beyond petrified.

14. Habib, the Sweaty Friend Who Thinks He’s Got a Chance
(Image via Tumblr.com)

Habib thinks he’s the world’s greatest dancer, and the only reason girls aren’t all over him is because they’re intimidated.