Listomania
Christina Fakhry

65 Thoughts You Experience While Listening to Lebanese Radio

1. Radio on, let’s see.
2. Or should I say, “let’s listen?”
3. Why is my favorite station playing this stupid song?
4. New station.
5. Wait no, I’ll just wait for the next song.
6. I’m pretty sure the next song is gonna be cool.
7. I have hope in the next song.
8. And I like to give chances.
9. Like yeah, my favorite station deserves a second chance.
10. We’ve built this firm auditory trust over the years.
11. Meanwhile, I’ll just divert my ears’ attention away from this song by trying to guess what song is coming next.
12. Guessing game it is.
13. But wait, I’m not gonna like predict the actual song, that would be unfair given the outrageous amount of songs in my mental database.
14. I’ll just try to figure out the artist instead.
15. No, no, too many artists out there…
16. Plus if we were to consider that half the songs nowadays are covers, artists would be close to outnumbering songs, making the probability of getting the artist right even less than that of getting the song right and…
17. What am I even…
18. Chill out, brain.
19. I’m so not gonna predict the artist.
20. Music genre it is.
21. Umm, I say aternati…
22. *commercial comes on*
23. Commercials, seriously?
24. I’ve pulled through two long minutes of auditory cheese and all I get in return is a stupid toothpaste commercial, great.
25. Super great.
26. Whatever, I’ll just wait.
27. Wait why do all those commercials feature the same voice?
28. Also do they have to turn every shampoo commercial into an over-emotional lullaby?
29. “Like us on Facebook for a chance to win 24,859 iPads, follow us on Twitter to keep up with our latest updates…”
30. No, thanks.
31. And we’re finally back to the musi…
32. [First beats of Pharell’s Happy]
33. NO.
34. How is this even my favorite station?
35. I’m so changing the station.
36. On another note, maybe it’s time to end our relationship.
37. *switches to second favorite station*
38. “Clap along if you feel like a roo…”
39. *mentally smashes radio*
40. You know what, I’ll just adjust the station according to mood standards instead.
41. [Cheesy Arabic song]
42. [Cheesier Arabic song]
43. “Like a room without a roo…”
44. [Another cheesy Arabic song]
45. Wait there’s a morning radio show on here.
46. “Good morning Lebanon, today is June 23 and we’re live from our Beirut studios…” *weird sounds playing in the background*
47. Oh hello there, Mr. radio host!
48. You don’t need to mention the date and country every day by the way.
49. I believe in my abilities to situate myself in space and time you know.
50. Wait someone just requested a cool song!
51. What was the guy’s name again?
52. “And now we’re gonna play Samer’s request…”
53. Yes, yes, yes, please.
54. Samer, you just made my day.
55. Like I don’t know you but we should start dating already.
56. There’s nothing like a guy with good taste in music.
57. MY LIFE IS COMPLETE.
58. Wait why am I mentally constructing his face now?
59. That’s an extreme one, brain.
60. Just focus on the song.
61. SONG???!!!
62. Did they just cut my favorite part of the song to talk about Justin Beiber’s new pet?
63. *changes channel in denial*
64. “Happy, happy, happ…”
65. *Sings along* [backup vocals and dance moves included]