1. “Kteeeeer ta3ben sha3rek.”

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"Your hair is very tired."

This first oh-so-lovely remark is to prompt you to feel insecure and therefore buy their countless hair creams, shampoos, conditioners, leave-in gels, etc. Don’t get me wrong, your hair may be ta3ben, thanks to the grueling summer sun and dry weather, but you certainly won't hear the stylist proposing any home remedies.

2. "2eedi khadra.”

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"My hand is green" – not literally.

Meaning: let me cut your hair and it will grow longer and faster than ever. Ladies - this is a hair myth! Cutting the ends of your hair doesn't affect the follicles in your scalp, and those follicles are what determine how fast and how much your hair grows, nothing else.

3. “Leh mesh shayfek hon 2abel?”

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"Why haven’t I seen you here before?"

As if my stumbling into the salon was fate... destiny... an inevitable coincidence. And I’ve been missing out on this hair salon my entire life.

4. “I am at your service!”

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What a misleading phrase this one is! They always say this and then totally disregard your instructions. “Baddek leess? No, bess curly byelba2lek aktar!” (You want straightened hair? But curly looks better on you!”)

*Mmmm, I don’t recall asking for your opinion.* Eventually and just MAYBE, they end up doing what you want, but only after a long period of debate.

5. “Why don’t you try keratin?”

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Make way for the chemical shit storm. Every curly-haired girl, hell, EVERY girl will be proposed this question at least once at a Lebanese salon. Especially at salons where staff workers are not the most genuine. You are just another customer to them. Why would they care about the overall quality of your hair? Be very afraid of these sharks.

6. “I have the perfect model for you!”

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Whether it’s nail polish to match your skin tone or a reflexology massage to calm your nerves, there’s always something unique in stock just for you! Towards the end of your usual hair blow-out, the hair dresser will mention a formal up-do or retro-styled model that would look simply fabulous on you with your face frame and long body. Whether that’s really the case, only you will know. When you finally do give him the chance to work his/her magic, you most likely end up looking like a poodle.

7. “Fa aymta badna nerja3 shoufek?!”

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"So when will we see you again?!"

The moment your hair blow-out is over, your nails are done, or your exfoliating face mask is dry, the stylist poses the question for reassurance that you will be back again. “Soon, enshallah, soon."

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