Anyone who thinks summer is going to be “AMAAAAAAAZINGGGGGGG” obviously sprinkled a little too much fairy dust on their Cheerios this morning. Please, and really now, be honest – have any of you actually experienced a summer that has met all of your expectations? You know, the “BEST SUMMER EVERRRRR!???” If you have then stop reading and GTFO.

And for those who haven’t, well, welcome to the club bro. Drinks on me tonight.

Expectation

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Fun filled days lying sprawled out on the beach with friends sipping cocktails served by hot lifeguards whilst lounging on king sized beds. Complete relaxation.

Reality

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Work. Work. Work. And then some more work.

Expectation

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Road trips to gorgeous places with less concrete jungle and more natural paradise. Speeding down empty roads in convertibles with the cool wind blowing through your hair; beautiful views and plenty of fresh, clean air. Also, mouthwatering outdoor lunches.

Reality

Sweltering heat. Just an inexorable amount of disgusting, nasty, humid heat that makes the thought of leaving your beautifully air conditioned house a frizz-inducing hell. Scratch that – I don’t think hell is this hot.

Expectation

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One of those jaw-dropping Instagram beach bodies busting out in an itsy bitsy two-piece bikini. RYAN GOSLING COME TO ME, I'M READY.

Reality

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Yeah, OK, right… Teta is totally gonna let that happen.

Expectation

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A golden, Victoria’s Secret catwalk tan. Oh, and not to mention prefect sun kissed, frizz-free hair.

Reality

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Hello you little nasty-smelling self-tanner. Oh how I have (not) missed you.

Expectation

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Never-ending fun with all your friends that are back for the summer from their respective lands of “opportunity.”

Reality

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God damn weddings. And family gatherings. Jesus Christ why does EVERY SINGLE MEMBER of the entire extended family suddenly have something to celebrate ON A SATURDAY NIGHT. REALLY? REALLY!!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?!

Expectation

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The ability to wear your pre-planned #outfitoftheday.

Reality

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Try walking in Hamra wearing anything even the tiniest bit above the knee. And cleavage? HA – forget about it. They will literally eat you with their eyes. #shuhalrougeyafarouj? #ashtaaaaaaaa #istaghfarallah

Expectation

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PARTY. Project X style.

Reality

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Help me, I’m poor.

Expectation

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Summer love just like the movies! We’ll meet on the beach and ta-da love at first sight. We’re soul mates. Beautiful tanned soul mates with perfect bodies and beautiful hair. Weeeeee!

Reality

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Oh wait – what’s that? I JUST GREW SOME WINGS AND STARTED FLYING!!!! Woaaaaahhh…

Expectation

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An exotic vacation to a faraway mystical land.

Reality

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Dibs on not driving to Batroun this time.

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