The Four Best Outfits To Wear When Getting Dumped

Your relationship has run its course and you’re about to have the dreaded “break-up meeting” where you’ll be flinging around accusations and most probably embarrassing yourself beyond comprehension. What should you wear while getting your heart ripped out and stomped on? Here are some practical and stylish outfits you can dry your tears on.

Wool Clothing

(Image via Tumblr)

Wool shirts and dresses are great for soaking up the tears that will definitely run while your boyfriend recites every single thing you’ve done wrong in the past three years. Wool is one of the most absorbent fabrics out there which makes it ideal for when you remember that you’ve already picked out an engagement dress. Oh, non-refundable too, it’s okay – let those tears flow.

The Sexiest Dress You Own

(Image via Tumblr)

This is a desperate but effective method of getting your beau to back down on his decision by using some good old-fashioned sexual manipulation. Pull out all the stops, cleavage, legs, back. Any assets that you think you have, magnify them. Granted, this could very well backfire when you look like an idiot in the middle of Starbucks.

Yoga Clothing

(Image via Tumblr)

This outfit serves a dual purpose: first of all, it makes your boyfriend believe that you’re energized and motivated enough to get off your ass and do some power yoga; second of all, it allows you to go directly from the break-up site to your couch where you’ll spend the next three weeks wallowing in your own misery. Additionally, the flexible material around the waist will be forgiving when you start eating the equivalent of your body mass in ice cream.

A Costume

(Image via Imgur)

This outfit can range from dressing up as a character from your soon-to-be ex’s favorite video game (Cosplay anyone?) to one of the prostitutes from Grand Theft Auto, or dressing head to toe in the colors of his favorite sports team. Bonus points if you can manage to name more than one of his favorite players on that stupid team.

Disclaimer for the un-funny: This was a satirical post.

1