Life in Lebanon has its ups and downs. Wouldn’t it be great if we had some of these apps to get through the not-so-great times? (Note: I am currently filing a patent for all of these apps so don’t even think about stealing them.)
The App: DoucheRadar
When we decide to go out drinking, I wish there was an app that would fire out warning signals to tell us not to go to a certain bar tonight because there is a huge group of morons there. Or if it could just tell me what time the aforementioned morons will get sloppily drunk and pick a fight so we could leave before then, that would work too.
The App: CousinRadar
Your twenty cousins are having dinner in Mar Mikhael, pick another location promptly!
The App:AlcoCheck
The alcohol at this party is practically rubbing alcohol and will make you sick. Abort drinking here immediately.
The App: FoodCheck
This app would check restaurants and cafes for infestations of bugs, rats, hair etc. The original app was going to have a function that sounds off sirens whenever you walked into a contaminated restaurant. But development tests showed the siren went off much too frequently with this option. Newer versions will have a simple notification that says: “you’ll vomit for three days.”
The App: PoliTrack
This app would track the movement of Lebanese politicians in order for us to stay the hell away from them. With the help of this app, you will never be stuck in 45-minute traffic while a politician’s convoy blocks the roads so it can transport his ass comfortably.
The App: Zaroubi Maps
Similar to Google Maps, this app is custom designed to navigate you through the complex streets of Lebanon. It takes into account that we have no idea what each street is called and assists you by using more common street markers, such as: trashcans, potholes, dead-ends and broken water pipes.
The App: RipOff
You’re being majorly ripped off right now, exit store immediately.
