Following months of extensive driving lessons supposedly meant to enlighten the masses on the noble pillars of Lebanese road ethics, I woke up ready to hit my driving test in style. I had waited for that glorious moment all of my life, and I’m still trying to recover from that mess.

(Image via Beirut Report)

1. Whoa!

2. That’s one crowded place indeed.

3. Come early to practice, they said.

4. Ugh it’s so hot.

5. Also my visual capacity is overloaded with first generation Picantos.

6. Where’s my teacher?

7. Wait, there’s a human walking towards me.

8. Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak would be perfect right now.

9. Oh hello there, stranger.

10. [Double hair flip]

11. No I don’t know where the grocery shop is.

12. Nor do I have tissues

13. Or water.

14. Or energy to keep the conversation going.

15. Is that the part where I smile?

16. Too late, he’s already having the same conversation with the girl standing next to me (only this time he asked for water first).

17. Why am I not at the beach or something?

18. I feel sorry for the effort I invested in my beach body.

19. Do they offer refreshments here?

20. [A friendly reminder that my life plans do not include dying overheated]

21. There’s not even a proper place to sit.

22. Hello there, self. You are going to ace your driving test.

23. Today is the day you take full control of your life.

24. See that parking spot over there? Your future belon…

25. “Ready for a small practice?”>

26. Umm, oh, okay, hi.

27. Did you have to murder my existential moment?

28. *Starts car like a boss*

29. If my teacher yells “doubriage” one more time, I’m gonna hit his car.

30. On another note, I’ve always questioned the origin of this word.

31. Dou-bri-age.

32. Apparently, it’s a creative Lebanese translation of the French equivalent “kit d’embrayage.”

33. [Emphasize on creative]

34. What am I even thinking…

35. Sorry to interrupt your linguistic reflection, brain, but I got a “doubriage” to maneuver here.

36. Why are complete strangers throwing state-the-obvious driving tips at me?

37. You can’t just stare at me like that.

38. *parks correctly*

39. I now pronounce myself Parking Queen.

40. Wait I still got the dreaded back turn.

41. “Slow down!”

42. Oh well.

43. Does my teacher always have to kill my vibe?

44. On the bright side, I’m done.

45. What do you mean I have to wait one more hour for the jury to come?

46. I should’ve brought a friend for entertainment purposes.

47. I’m officially melting.

48. Why are there too many parents in here?

49. Wait why are my parents not among the parents?

50. I feel abandoned, as in an intense mix of loneliness, homelessness and rejection.

51. No one understands my pain.

52. Jury is here!

53. Wait why is the jury, like, one person?

54. He looks friendly though.

55. Imma pull off my best French accent.

56. “Euh, Bonjour Monsieur!”

57. Traffic Sign Challenge: check.

58. What do you mean I have to wait another half-an-hour for my turn?

59. *Gets into the car*

60. “Come forward.”

61. You don’t say.

62. [A friendly reminder that I’m trying to fit a real-life vehicle into a small yellow rectangle while also struggling to achieve a delicate balance between my doubriage-related leg action and wheel-related hand action]

63. Wait the jury is actually two people…

64. In other news, I somehow managed to park well enough.

65. Wait did I just step on the yellow line on my way back?

66. [Successive mini-deaths]

67. Hey don’t look at me like that.

68. That was close…

69. But hey I made it.

70. *friendzones “doubriage” forever*


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