Listomania
Ahmad Kareem

The Ten Types of People You’ll See at the Beirut Airport

Every once in a while the time comes and we’re forced to brave the wilderness that is Beirut’s Rafic Hariri International Airport. But before we can board the plane, which will no doubt be delayed an hour (or five), we’re served a slice of Lebanese society’s finest specimens.

Now you might not be so lucky as to catch ‘em all your first time round, but keep your eyes peeled and soon enough you’ll have seen every stereotype the airport has to offer.

The Juicy Couture Cougar

(Image via Tumblr)

You’ll either catch her reeling from a few too many glasses of wine or in line at the Duty Free buying the aforementioned bottle. Decked out in the infamous Juicy Couture sweatsuit that’s becomes her second skin, she’ll be teetering around the terminal with sunglasses too big for her face and a couple of LV carry-ons. The cougar will reek of desperation, mid-life crises, and half a bottle of Burberry’s latest fragrance.

The Dazed and Confused Foreigner

(Image via Telegraph)

They’re pretty much the bottom of the barrel in terms of tourists coming in to the Mediterranean mess that is Lebanon, but don’t be fooled if you think he’ll boost the economy in any way. Most likely sporting a camping backpack chock full of everything he’ll ever need to subsist in the wild, he is a caveman reincarnated. With a fascination only matched by his musky hasn’t-showered-in-a-week smell, the foreigner is prime real estate for greedy cabbies, and you know his “Marhaba Keefaks” won’t save him then.

The Hajj & Hajjeh

(Image via Ramy Abou Antoun)

Born in the same era that human flight was discovered, these adorable senior citizens will most likely have faces painted with awe and fascination at the idea of a steel tube floating in the sky. In spite of that, their bags will definitely be bursting at the seams with day3a goodies like zaatar, olive oil, and various other foods that just don’t taste as good as when Teta makes them.

The Khaleeji

(Image via Yimg)

The most endangered of the BEY habitat’s species, the usually thobe-d Khaleeji used to roam these chaotic gates in abundance. Bringing with him oil money and a plethora of children to help revive the tourism sector, he was the first to flee when the bombs went off. Assuming a swagger akin to a man who believes he built the country himself, the Khaleeji sees to it that everything has a price.

Romeo w Juliet

(Image via Done Brilliantly)

They’re practically one person since you will never see them apart. Joined at the hip and sickeningly in love, Beirut’s modern incarnation of the famous couple treats every moment like it’s their last. The only three letter acronym they know besides BEY is PDA, and they’ll make sure you know it too.

The Caffeine-Crazed Kids

(Image via Aero Freaks)

Usually accompanied by a disinterested Cougar mum, these kids are the bane of every airport experience. Unleashed on innocent passerby as soon as their parents can sit down and get absorbed by their smartphones, these kids show you why the new generation is a lost cause. For extra effect, they’ll pump them full of caffeinated sodas so they can very literally bounce off the walls and make a good argument for never having kids or smacking the ones you have.

The Jagal

(Image via Twitter)

Skin-tight white shirt. Slicked hair. Trimmed beard. Multi-colored reflective Ray Bans. These are the usual attributes of Lebanon’s prized citizen: the Jagal. Striding through Beirut’s airport with a cool air induced by the fumes of his heavy cologne, he considers himself to be God’s gift to women and his Lebanese passport to be just another reason he’s so perfect.

The Suit

(Image via Beat the Brochure)

The Jagal’s older, more refined brother. You’ll eye him in a well-tailored dark suit with his iPhone glued to his ear as he barks orders like the world markets depend on him. He won’t be toting anything besides a Samsonite with a replacement suit and a universal charger for all his gadgets. He has no patience and a temper, and will grow frustrated waiting in line for anything.

The Catwalk Queen

(Image via Broad Sheet)

The Jagal’s female equivalent. What better place to wear your sky-high stilettos than the airport? Add to that an undoubtedly uncomfortable dress and a purse that threatens to knock down everything and everyone in its path, and you’re beginning to get a clear picture of this diva in her natural habitat.

The Patriot

(Image via Twitter)

Usually a Lebanese youth raised abroad and returning “home” with an optimistic smile and an affection for everything remotely Lebanese. He’s yet to learn why everyone looks so glum, but expect that thousand watt smile and kind-heartedness to go out as fast as the electricity cuts in our little paradise. His outfit wouldn’t be complete without the red, white and green Cedar plastered somewhere on his body.