Listomania
Christina Fakhry

The Ten Types of College Guys You’ll Crush on This Semester

Examining the cute boys you’ll be sitting next to for the entire semester is probably the only reason to love college-kickoff September. Here’s a look at what to expect because, you know, we’re all a little generic in the end.

1. The Multi-Layered Gentleman

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Smart, handsome, intellectual and most importantly, older than you. The kind of guy who is courteous about everything, uses sophisticated terminology on a regular basis and insists on initiating philosophical debates with your college professor. Spoiler alert: appearances are not be trusted here (or anywhere, but especially here).

2. Call-The-Fire-Department Handsome

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A raw constellation of cheese-coated hotness that hits you brighter than lightning and freezes your mind for up to three seconds. Sadly, the effect this type of guy may have on you is hardly everlasting. You’re not sure if you want to be with them, or just look at them.

3. The Hogwarts Alumnus

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Weird, quirky and generally too mysterious to approach in the muggle world. Guys who fall under this category will leave you wondering whether you really have a crush on them or if it’s just a school-related spell.

4. The Guy Who Missed out on His Beauty Sleep

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The type of dude who constantly looks like he’s just been woken up in the middle of a nap. Messy hair and sweatpants (more sweatpants than you’ll ever have, in fact) are essential components.

5. The Smooth Frenchie

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While he might not look as good as young Alain Delon (the guy in the picture just in case), he’s still “trop chou” to go unnoticed.

6. The Ultimate Fashionisto

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Always looking like he’s fallen off of some Esquire magazine cover. He’s as well-groomed during finals week as he is on the first day of the semester. Also his hair looks better than yours at all times.

7. The Guy You Didn’t Know Went to Your School

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It’s just mesmerizing how much cuteness guys can accumulate over one summer (like why doesn’t this happen to me as well?).

8. The Startup-Oriented Hacker

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His relationship with computers falls under 1001010 layers of “it’s complicated”. No matter how attractive he is, you’ll have to avoid deep conversations because he always manages to squeeze in a two-hour demo of whatever app he’s building at the moment.

9. The Cutthroat Smartass

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He has the answers to all the professor’s questions (bonus questions in particular). You’ll probably start to notice his charm during group study afternoons and follow up with a month of silly academic questions, hoping he will figure out his love for you someday.

10. The Guy Who Has a Lifelong Girlfriend

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The most torturous type hands down. You’ll manage to get over him after a while (but hey I’m not sure she’ll manage to get over you).