Nothing can give you that warm and fuzzy feeling quite like the holiday season; decorations go up, radio stations play songs that remind you of your childhood, and you finally have an excuse to eat your body weight in cake and sugar.

However, nothing can take that fuzzy feeling away and fill it with a deep-seated rage faster than experiencing the holiday season in Lebanon. What you thought was going to be a restful and joyous season turns you into Ebenezer Scrooge. Here is how the holiday season usually pans out in Lebanon.

Family


Expectation: I cannot wait to have the entire family under one roof, we’ll drink, laugh, and be merry. Family is truly the most important thing!

Reality: Somebody shut the kids up. Somebody shut my aunt up. I might kill someone before dinner is over.

Going Out


Expectation: Let us savor the festive season and take advantage of how cozy coffee shops and restaurants will feel.

Reality: Cozily getting stuck in two and a half hours worth of traffic at that one Achrafieh intersection.

Eating


Expectation: I’ll eat a hearty, delicious, and balanced meal; I’ll control myself this year because the holidays aren't just about gorging yourself on food.

Reality: Give me that baguette and look away.

Entertainment


Expectation: Let’s partake in some cool holiday events.

Reality: I see prices have been jacked by a cool 500%. I’ll be home until January 2.

Music


Expectation: I love Christmas music, I can’t wait to hear all the festive songs and really get into the spirit!

Reality: I want to drive to New York City and find Mariah Carey so I can personally stab her in the face with a jingle bell if I hear “All I Want For Christmas Is You” one more time.

Weather


Expectation: Let’s huddle around the fireplace (or any alternative ghetto heating source) and enjoy the stormy weather.

Reality: …And another bridge is collapsing, our infrastructure is bursting at the seams. Good job, Lebanon.

Gifting


Expectation: This year I will shop ahead of time and give thoughtful and personalized gifts to each of my loved ones.

Reality: You’re getting a mug.

Romance


Expectation: It’s a wonderful time of year to meet somebody special and to dedicate yourself to a fresh and fruitful relationship. You are ready.

Reality: Another year of drunk texting all the exes. Happy holidays!

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