As important as some meetings might be, they can also be time-consuming and straight up annoying. Follow these tips and you won’t ever have to worry about looking like the clueless one at a business meeting again. Before you know it, you’ll have people thinking you’re the CEO.

Arrive Fashionably Late

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Walk through the door in a calm and cool manner, coffee in hand. Don’t even bother introducing yourself. Act as if everyone already knows you. Those that don’t will automatically feel like they should.

Dress the Part

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Don’t let people think you just rolled out of bed. Suit up so they think you’re professional enough to be on top. Little do they know, you’re wearing your superman pajama top under that suit and tie.

Keep Taking Calls

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Pretend like you have an agenda full of extremely important tasks by answering the phone every time it rings or notifies you. They don’t have to know that your mother has called you four times in the past ten minutes. Make them think the constant notifications are top priority emails. They won’t even suspect they’re reminders to feed your cat.

Don’t Pay Attention

As the others are struggling to jot down every detail being said during the meeting, don’t even bother picking up your pen. Just stare into space and contemplate the meaning of life or try to picture which filter will fit best with the meal you plan on Instagraming of today’s lunch. Only snap back to reality when you’re asked your opinion on a certain matter.

Always Say No

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Make them think your standards are the highest in the room when you finally pay attention and flat out reject every idea they suggest. No need for an explanation. Continue to stare off into space and visualize that Walden-filtered double cheeseburger.

Ask Meaningless Questions

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Interrupt the meeting to ask questions constructed of smart words, that when phrased together make absolutely no sense whatsoever, and keep them guessing.

Leave Early

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When your stomach’s about to start making hungry whale sounds, excuse yourself early. Make up some excuse about having an important meeting with the board and carry on with the rest of your day. After all, your cat hasn’t been fed, and neither have you.

Disclaimer for the un-funny: This was a satirical blog post.

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