If you’re offended by swearing or by the mention of genitalia, it would be a great idea to click off this page right now and go back to browsing the Nickelodeon website where you belong.

The Arabic language is unique in its lettering and sounds. In fact, many of the letters require so much throat action and effort that they put Mia Khalifa’s day job to shame – and that is a topical joke for you.

The guttural sounds of the Arabic language coupled with the twisted and pointed ways the Lebanese have with words creates an opportunity for the finest swearing the world has ever seen. After that, it becomes a simple game of mix and match for optimal insult.

Here is the basic formula:

Damn + genital + parent/family member + your own genital.
Example: Damn your mother’s vagina with my penis.

Tip #1 – Patriarchy is Key

Stay true to the patriarchy by mentioning a mother or a sister in order to insult a man, because we all know that women are merely objects of honor for men. The aforementioned honor and respect will be compromised mostly when you couple the notion of sex with the victim’s family member.

Example: ayre b kiss ekhtak ya ibn el sharmouta (my penis in your sister’s vagina, you son of a whore).

Tip #2 – The Thesaurus is Your Friend

Don’t shy away from using a variety of synonyms for male genitalia. Whether you love the “a word” or the “z word” is what kindles your heart. Make sure to always reinvent your swearing in order to keep it as effective and insulting as possible.

Example: kol khara ya zabri (eat shit, you penis).

Tip #3 – Get Creative

Telling someone to eat shit and die is greatly satisfying – trust me, but don’t be afraid to experiment a little bit. There is nothing wrong with describing graphic sexual acts involving your enemy to add a much-needed mental visualization of what you’re trying to say. Another hot tip is to be extremely specific, use your adjectives, and describe those genitals!

Example: badde massisak ayre ya akhou el manyouke (I will make you suck my penis, you brother of a whore).

Tip #4 – Trust The Experts

The best way to master the art of swearing is to do some field work. Sink your teeth into the full lifestyle by hanging around experts who have quality use of the language. In this case, the experts are the wonderful van drivers of this country who have become well versed in swearing and can offer some new slang terms that may otherwise pass you by.

Example: ayre b swe’atak ya hmar (my penis in your driving, you donkey).

Tip #5 – Use Your Body

Though words are your weapon here, using your body can be a fun little bonus. You can stick to the basics of the good old middle finger and jerk-off motion, or take it one step further and simulate actual penetration with your fingers, or even by gyrating your hips! Remember, you are a performer, so perform.

Example: badde neek immak el sharmouta (I want to fuck your whore mother) coupled with a hip thrusting motion.

Tip #6 – Practice Makes Perfect

As with anything, practice goes a long way. Just as you would invest time and energy into learning the violin or the piano, professional cursing requires effort and dedication. Rehearse your new vocabulary while you are driving, waiting in line, or even just lounging around at your job.

Examples: ayre bil 3aj2a (My dick in this traffic) – ayre bil natra (My dick in waiting in line) – ayre bil shoghol (My dick in work).


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