Let us take a walk through the land of exes. The deserted wasteland where you have left a plethora of mouth-breathers and premature ejaculators, let us journey through past regrets and abysmal failures together.

(Image via tumblr.com)

Though it is seen as a sign of failure, the ability to end relationships is something magnificent that we often take for granted in today’s world. Think back to the “olden days” when a man would buy a woman for the hefty price of three cows, or whatever. She couldn’t just wake up one day and exclaim, “hey, I don’t like your mother or the fact that you eat moose with your bare hands, we need to break up!” No. She had to stick it out until her timely death at the age of 35, presumably after being mauled by a large animal or catching a cold – both fatal and regular occurrences at the time.

That being said, we can realize how important the mere ability to break up is. We can effectively eliminate anybody out of our lives, for any reason – and all we’re left with is horrible pieces of jewelry and a sense of wondering what he is doing now with his new girlfriend. This is what I feel my ex-boyfriend is doing with his current girlfriend right now:

1. Misusing words and phrases with utmost confidence.
Guess what sweetheart? You and I didn’t have “great feng shui” because that is something that pertains to furniture and apartments.

2. Talking about me, and any other ex.
Yep, he’s probably discussing how horrible I was because I wouldn’t eat rice and because I was open about loving my dog more than I loved him. It’s all true; I am a rice-hating dog-obsessed woman.

3. "Small-talk texting” her to death.
Small-talk texting is one of the worst parts of a new relationship, you get asked how you are fifteen times a day and can never answer honestly, “Well, I just realized that life is basically meaningless and that the human condition is arbitrary, fleeting, and fragile – how are YOU?” You can’t really say that, so you’ll probably just say you’re great and move on. My ex’s specialty was asking random questions to make someone feel important. For example, asking her if she loves sea bass then never taking her out to consume any because he has to have dinner with his mom/aunt/boss every single night of his life.

4. Telling her a long and winding story, with no end in sight.
Don’t hold your breath; the stories about his boss will only get longer and more detailed. Has he given you a detailed account of his boss’s health problems yet? Well, wait for it – it’s coming.

5. Trying to sell her on a threesome.
After he establishes himself as a steady boyfriend, he will start to bring up threesomes. OFTEN. He will tell you about how he read that it is "the most intense experience in the world." First: know that he doesn’t read anything beyond instructions on how to make soup. He will also tell you that he wants to do it for your pleasure, not his. So second: know that he’s a big liar. He can barely get one woman to sleep with him at a time, but I suppose since you're now dating him, you already know that.

6. Subtly suggesting she get plastic surgery.
It’s okay – he does it to everybody he meets.

7. Making really dumb plans.
Yeah – so I never loved the idea of us climbing Mount Kilimanjaro mostly because he never seemed capable of climbing a flight of stairs without a break. Also, it’s cute that you think I ever trusted you enough to be on a mountain with you.

8. Trying to kiss her in the middle of an argument.
That’s not as charming as you think.

What I Imagine My Ex-Boyfriend and His Current Girlfriend Are Doing Now


Avatar 1
Post to facebook
Avatar 2

After being in relationship with Morgan for seven years,he broke up with me,I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain,I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him,I begged him with everything,I made promises but he refused.I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell,I had no choice than to try it,I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days,that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day,it was around 4pm.My ex called me,I was so surprised,I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened,that he wanted me to return to him,that he loves me so much.I was so happy and went to him,that was how we started living together happily again.Since then,I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem,I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there.Anybody could need the help of the spell caster you can email him drakugbespellhome1@gmail.com if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything I CAN NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU SIR DR Patrick HIS EMAIL:he can also help to cure any kind of disease illness like. drakugbespellhome1@gmail.com 1 cancer cure 2 diabetes cure 3 wining of lotto 4 herpes cure 5 warts cure 6 HPV cure 7 get your ex back 8 pregnancy herbal medicine

Karen Disch on Aug 17, 2016 via web