Ok, I just discovered how great Beirut house parties are. I don’t know if it was my arrogance or perhaps I was just unpopular, but I never really went to house parties in Beirut until recently. Whatever the reason, I have discovered they are great for achieving two important things: one, you can get drunk for really freaking cheap—or free if you want to be that guy; and two, they are a great way to meet other people, usually in different stages of intoxication.

In other words, if you want to find a hook up, house parties are the ideal spot, right? Hypothetically, yes. But, as for me, I’m not so sure.

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House parties are like a giant leap forward from Beirut’s pub scene, where I basically just go to get dressed up, check-in on Facebook, scream a few words across the table at someone to pretend I'm having a conversation,and spend all my money on two whiskeys.

House parties create other problems, though. Based on sheer numbers alone, there are just so many freaking potential hook ups - especially if you're bisexual. Suddenly, I’m thrown into this environment where I’m almost required to mingle and meet new people, all while getting wasted on a virtually endless supply of free alcohol. It's all just so novel and exciting, like being at one of those parties when I was 18 in the states and discovering alcohol for the first time. All that drunkenness, all that crazy drunkenness.

But now I’m older, and basically only think about having sex all the time. So I show up at these parties with my friend, Gina, who recently figured out she is also bisexual.

So here's the scene: Gina and I enter the room. We deposit our contributions at the bar area. We start drinking and scanning for potentials. "What about him? What about her? Damn she is hot! Yeah okay, he is fine."

(Enter attractive female)

Female: I see you have a piercing! Did you notice I do, too?

(We proceed to talk about a bunch of stuff I don’t really give a f*ck about. All I'm thinking is: maybe we could have sex later. Does she think so too? Crap, the girl disappeared. Where is Gina?)

Me: Gina! I’m not having any luck.

Gina: Ughhh, me neither. I was talking to the girl in the plaid, but she kind of flaked.

Me: Hey, I think that guy is checking you out.

Gina: Whatever, he is totally checking you out.

Me: Ewww that guy over there has not stopped looking at me since I entered the party! F*ck, I think he is coming over. F*ck.

Guy: Didn’t we meet before?

Me: Umm... I don’t think so?

Gina: Hey! Let’s go to the bathroom.

(Gina and I make a quick escape)

Me: What a weirdo.

Gina: I don’t know, he was kind of cute.

And so we continue to mix and mingle and dance and drink and then we get tired. Meantime, we are still no closer to hooking up with anyone. I think at some point during the night, I got so distracted by all the potential options that I forgot to actually find someone to go home with. I start to realize that "piercing chick" was a pretty amazing option and I should have stuck with that. Gina hasn't fared any better.

Gina: Hey, I’m kind of tired. Do you want to get Zaatar w Zeit and head home?

Me: Nooooo... Yeah okay.

I guess there's always next weekend.


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