Local broadcast channel OTV, the orange crusader, you know - the channel with the grandmother who has the cooking show - has decided to tackle one of the major issues of our time in a segment titled, “Homosexuality: Fashion trend or Illness?” on the ‘Min 7a2ik' show.

Now, I’ve personally never watched this show because I avoid Lebanese television like the plague, but I can only assume that it represents highly scientific and ground-breaking TV programming. They have managed to narrowly define the sexual identity of millions of people around the world according to two simple categories.

Right. Well, I'm sure people who identify as homosexual are just making a hilarious fashion statement when they decide to put up with unimaginable amounts of bullying, hatred, and discrimination. It’s either that, or they've got this daunting cold-like ailment they just can't seem to kick. So let’s get them some medicine, yo.

Go ahead and vaccinate the gays, but keep the flamboyant ones untouched so they can continue to style our wardrobes and take us out for drinks when we get dumped.

The idea that homosexuality is an illness isn't new; it’s actually really, really old. I mean really old – like back when people used to "cure headaches by drilling holes into their skulls” old. Yet here we are, centuries later, still trying to classify people’s identities as either a disease or a choice because they happen to be different.

Ironically, it's often the people who fight homosexuality with such vigor that end up masturbating to lesbian porn at least a few times a week.

So, well done OTV, I couldn't have expected more from a station whose most popular front runner is an old grandmother who cooks a variety of foods she can’t chew. Sorry teita, but you know it's true.

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