BEIRUT – A new law drafted by the Ministry of Interior and Beirut’s Governor pleads with Lebanese women to halt their enthusiasm for nose jobs, for the sake of the health and well-being of the entire nation.

After the recent shutdown of several unlawful beauty centers around Beirut, a troubling discovery was made: Beirut’s Governor Ziad Chebib apparently had ulterior motives for closing centers that had been operating illegally for years.

Sources close to the Governor shared that he had become overwhelmed with the sheer amount of altered noses around him, and had finally decided to take legislative action against this phenomenon. In fact, there was almost unanimous agreement within the government on the fact that Lebanese women need to just stop.



(Image via chadtattinimd.com)

For most Lebanese women, getting a nose job has become much more than a cosmetic enhancement, it has developed into a sacred ritual and a rite of passage. In fact, in recent years, Lebanon has come to be known as the “Mecca of plastic surgery,” the “Paris [Hilton] of vaginoplasty,” and the “pre-1992 Michael Jackson of rhinoplasty," all titles which are held near and dear to the silicone enhanced bosoms of our nation.

The drafters of the law stated that the country’s institutions can no longer deal with the backlash that is caused by the ever-changing faces of Lebanese women. To clarify, police Chief Atef Awad said, “Women no longer look like their photo identification, so we are having trouble pulling them over for traffic violations and other offenses. Through plastic surgery, they have essentially rendered photo ID’s useless.”

Of the people opposing this new law were most of the premiere plastic surgeons of the country, who issued this collective statement: “We have to eat; nose jobs feed our families.” Other opposing members were the foremost plastic surgery enthusiasts of this nation, otherwise known as the wives of the ministers and legislators.

Disclaimer for the slow and un-funny: This was a satirical blog post.

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