I was at a house party this past weekend where a friend confessed something that has been troubling him for a while: his Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO) is crippling him. He can’t help it; he goes out all the time. Even though he has an awesome cat and an even cooler girlfriend, he is afraid to stay in for even one night because he thinks he might miss something.

“I wish I could take a pill to get rid of my FOMO,” he said.



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This, naturally, fascinated me. First of all, I rarely go out – so this night was in itself something of an exception for me. Sure, in the past I have gone through party animal phases where I thought the song 24 Hour Party People was written for me. But today, I can proudly say that a perfect night for me involves DVDs and delivery, or a dinner with one of my best friends at one of the same three restaurants I always go to.

I realize that, having conquered my own FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out), I owe it to the masses to share my secrets. And the big secret is this: Going out isn’t that much fun.

Let me break it down for you with some statistics.

• Most nights out you will engage in 30-40% small talk. In Beirut, this means asking each other why you are living in Beirut, or if you are happy living in Beirut, or where else you have lived or would like to.

• 10% of parties are people going into the back room to do drugs and not invite you.

• 10-15% of any given party is me trying to get the dance party started, failing, and then wondering if everybody is staring at me.

• 10% is checking your phone so it doesn’t look like you don’t have anyone to talk to while the person you were talking to goes to get another drink.

• If you’re going out clubbing, a solid 60% of the night will be spent looking for a parking space, and a minimum of 20% of the night you will wonder if there’s another bar that’s not as packed within walking distance.

• Of course, these numbers look different if you’re single or alcoholic, in which case: for singles, 100% of the party is spent either looking for something to drink or someone to go home with. No matter what, you’ll probably black out at some point and not remember anything – so what’s the point?

• If you’re lucky, 10% of the night is spent either dancing like a maniac or having good, solid conversations that make you glad you ventured out in the first place.


With enough careful reflection on these cold hard statistics, you too will realize this essential truth: parties are exhausting, mostly the same, and you don’t need to go to all of them.


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Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying we should all stay in every single night just to eat cheese sticks and watch TV. This may be my chosen path, but it’s not for everyone.

But it’s just as healthy, every now and then, to say “Kiss Ikhta” and do nothing.

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