During the holiday season, nothing is more important than food.

You may disagree and say it’s about religion or family, but I’m willing to bet that if a huge dinner and various snacks weren’t involved, many of you would exit stage left.

Traditionally, the star food of the Easter season is maamoul; a buttery pastry stuffed with pistachio, walnuts or dates, and covered in powdered sugar. But this season, a new confection has sauntered into the traditional world of pastries: Casper and Gambini’s decided to put it on a stick and drizzle chocolate on it.

Now, we were happy with the rise of the glorious food amalgam dubbed, the Cronefeh, but this combination has simply gone way too far.

Let’s be clear: maamoul is not something you delicately eat off of a cute stick, it is something you stuff in your face while hunched over a sink full of shame and regret. It’s not a fun snack, but an exercise in gluttony and grossness. Sure, you can attempt to hide the incriminating evidence, but we all know that no matter what you do, the white powdered sugar will inevitably end up wiped all over the front and back of your pants like a scarlet letter D (that stands for disgusting AND delicious).

The only things that belong on sticks are popsicles and meats, not a delicate pastry that will make me look like an asshole when I try to suck it down unsuccessfully only to have it land on my lap. And then at that point, like a child who hasn't yet mastered the art of eating, I like to smush it across my face in utter ecstasy before downing it in the food hole it was originally intended for.

And another thing: do you really want physical reminders and hard evidence of how many buttery maamouls you managed to stick down your throat in one sitting? Because that’s exactly what the sticks will do to your Easter experience when your bitchy aunt shames you for having half a dozen of them.

So please, Casper and Gambini’s, let us ravage maamoul in the barbaric way it was intended: right with our hands. You stick to what you do so well: providing middle-aged women with somewhere to take selfies after they’re done with their Verdun-based hair appointments.


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