Summer is just around the corner, and four months off those sure-fire New Year’s resolutions everyone seems to be utterly obsessed with getting fit. Whether it’s so they’ll be able to strut their stuff day and night at the beaches of Beirut or to finally get the physique they’ve always wanted one thing unites them: that laser-sharp focus. Unfortunately, some of them start exhibiting signs of overdoing it, so we decided to help you out with the seven symptoms they might start exhibiting when they take the gym life too seriously.

Disclaimer: Before anyone gets their gym shorts in a bunch, I’m guilty of all of the following.


1. Eating Is A Numbers Game


Yeah you know exactly who I’m talking about. It’s that one lad who’ll spout off the nutritional stats of any food you were about to enjoy. Good luck eating that donut after they hit you with their MyFitnessPal-verified saturated fat count. Life is a macros game to these people, and every protein gram counts. You’ll spot them eating wood chips for the fiber content.

2. Running The Raouche Marathon


You’re up before the sun is and you’re pounding down Raouche like The Walking Dead are hot on your heels. Pause, take a deep breath, and kick it down a notch. Running at normal o’clock is totally okay, even if that sunrise air helps you beat your PR.

3. Perpetual Arnie Walk Mode


Think of how most guys who lift walk. Let me help you visualise that real quick. It’s a blend between sticking your finger in an electric socket and having lead in the back of your head. Ease up and unpuff that chest, it’s not the jungle and you aren’t no King King.

4. Gains Ya Bro


Gains this and gains that. You’ll begin to wonder whether the vocabulary of a modern gym rat contains more words then “gains”. But if I learn more words that’s energy I could have used for gains instead.

5. No Beer For Me Brah


This is the best test on the market, especially with abs season coming up. Take one test subject to the bar and ask them if they’d like a beer. They will refuse, citing the caloric count and the bloating it’ll cause. They’ll refuse Almaza, the only real Lebanese national treasure besides Fairuz and burning tires. You now begin to question whether you were ever really friends.

6. Mirror On The Wall


Mirror is too specific a term, because they will take full advantage of any semi-reflective surface to examine aforementioned gains thoroughly and flex like wild animals. Watch out for the ones that take it a step further and begin to strip for their reflection.

7. Workout Over Going Out


If Friday night rolls around and you pass on plans with the boys so you can wake up early and hit the gym for a gnarly morning sesh then you’re this guy. Nothing gets in the way of gains, not even memories with the university friends you’ll lose touch with sooner than you know. Flyes over friends. Gains over girlfriends.

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