Incest lovers around the world were delighted when the first four episodes of season five of Game of Thrones were leaked last Sunday. Now that we’ve binge-watched them and are forced to wait another month for a new episode, we decided to break down the most common types of Game of Thrones fans, so here they are.

1. The horny people

Let’s all start by admitting that this show is just pornography with a very extensive story line. This makes for perfect television for those of us who really want to see some action without having to visit a porn site.

2. The ones who can’t keep up

Also known as my mom, these people can’t follow the storyline at all. “Who’s that? Is that Ned?” No mom, he died in season one. “Oh, is Joffrey Arya’s real father?” – WHAT? Why are you even watching this?

3. The book snobs

We get it, you’ve read the books and they’re soooo much better than the show. You’re also very pissed at how they’re changing details in production, like the color of Rob Stark’s eyes or whatever.

4. The squeamish

Fast-forwarding through all the beheadings, torture scenes, and the incest leaves you with around three minutes of dialogue which is mostly just “winter is coming.”

5. The spoiler-phobic

They will avoid all human contact and internet surfing until they have watched the entire season; they will also repeatedly tell you that they will dismember you if you spoil the show for them.

6. The conspiracy theorists

“Bro, Game of Thrones is based on current events and the Lannisters are the European Union, the Starks are like the Palestinians, and…” Dude, no, none of that is true. There are flying dragons and magic potions in it; it’s just a TV show. Calm yourself.

7. The over-analyzers

These are the fun bunch who read into every single word uttered by the show’s characters and are convinced it is foreshadowing something bigger, like when Cersei Lannister blinks twice that’s foreshadowing that she’s going to be Queen twice and when Jamie….

8. Fangirls

“OMG Jon Snow is so cute, but I’d totally marry Jamie like before he lost his hand” – “OMG Joffrey is kind of cute in a weird Bieber way.”

9. The likes of me

Who were originally only into the show for Khal Drogo and was surprised that a Hawaiian can be so attractive, and are now hooked and want to be Daenerys.

10. George R.R. Martin

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Who basically wishes he could kill us all.


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