What do you want to do when you grow up in Lebanon? None of these things. In honor of Labor Day, we've compiled a definitive list of the worst possible jobs you could have in Lebanon.

Work an average of 60 hours a week and add that to the world’s worst bunch of incorrigible brats. As a bonus, you get an administration that is geared toward profit and academic mediocrity, all for an average of $700 a month in pay. Holidays you say? You’d need at least two months off to recover your sanity.

Service Driver

(Image via The Daily Star)

Traffic, all day long, for bizr. F*ck that.

Serving douchebags all night for $20. That’s an entire night’s pay. Double that with tips and you get a lame job.

"Hey, everyone this is a little medley I wrote about the time I…" [Audience groans and boos] Note to self: just practice pop covers. It's all anyone wants to hear in this country.

Environmental Activist
Is this even a job? Or a bunch of guys whining to their political parents to plant a few trees? Only to have the baladiyeh aesthetically mutilate 500-year-old oaks and sycamores to save a few bucks on raking leaves.

Garbage man

(Image via Naharnet)

Couple a hopelessly ineffectual endeavor with the sheer toxicity of waste produced in Lebanon and you get the shittiest job in the country, literally.

Sewage engineer
Scratch that, this is the shittiest job in the country. I don’t even want to know what I’m swimming in during the summer, but if I ever want to know I’ll have a chat with these guys. Preferably by Skype.

Sorry you want to what? Draw? Yeah, good luck at your family gatherings.

This blows my mind. Having lived in Canada, doing labor work was a great way to make good money in the summer for anywhere between 10 and 25 dollars an hour. Also, it makes a man out of you. Here? You make that in two days of backbreaking toil, rain or shine, randomly selected out of a pool of indistinguishables collected at the roundabouts at the butt-crack of dawn only to shuffle back to your breezeblock dormitory with those 40 other fellows at sunset. What is the long-term plan for these guys? Furthermore, it is utterly disreputable for a local to engage in such employment; leave it for the cheap illegal migrant workers. So, freelance slaves.

Domestic Worker

(Image via gingerbeirut.com)

You are a state sanctioned slave.

Artisan Dancer
You are also a state sanctioned sex slave.

Theatre Performer
You must be gay. Which is illegal. It also pays shit.

Private Detective
If this exists here it is because everyone is cheating on everyone else in one of countless obscure 0-star hotels that dot the mountain roads. But then with the intrusive age of social media, who isn't their own private detective these days?

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