It's come to my attention that everyone in Lebanon has now gone completely hairless. Starting with the age of 12 – or whenever the first pubes sprout -- our nation’s women are waxing, sugaring, and especially lasering their pubic hair into a state of enforced baldness.

Except for me.

My bush is the last remaining holdout in a world of lasered-off pubes. I’m the last naturally hairy lady in this country. That's why I nominate my bush to be the new addition to the Lebanese guide book. It’s like those churches where oil comes out of the walls – a rare specimen of nature.

(An undated photo of American model Bettie Page. Source: Tumblr)

It’s not that I always wanted to be hairy. It’s more that I got fed up with the tears following any hair-removal session. Shave and your nether regions begin to resemble a kid who’s caught chicken pox – red bumps and itching. Waxing and feel your life flash before your eyes with every pull of the skin. Halfway through, you lose all your resolve. “Please, stop!” you beg the lady who’s spent more time face to face with your vagina than the last guy you dated. “No, you can’t go out like this,” she says, gesturing to your half hairy bush. “Now flip over, doggy style.” Your life begins to flash before your eyes as she applies hot wax to your asshole.

The first and last time I attempted laser hair removal on my nether regions was the worst pain I’ve ever felt. As the dagger-like lasers incinerated all the hair follicles on my labia, I found myself thinking “Screw water boarding, why doesn’t the CIA just use laser hair removal to torture people into confession.” To say it was painful is to say Robert Fisk likes to research, or Mia Khalifa is close to her stepmom. It just doesn’t do justice.

The worst part of all this fuckery is that the lasered hair grows back! If you have anything like legitimate amounts of hair, you can expect to need five or six sessions (at least) until you can say goodbye pubes forever.

To boot, it’s fucking expensive. Yes, we women pay out the ass for the privilege of lasering off our hair. The average laser session is over $100. That’s like, ten percent of most salaries in Lebanon.

Except for me. As the last hairy lady of Lebanon, I get to save my money. I’m going to try to convince men that it’s the 1970s Penthouse look. It’s coming back in style. Perhaps future generations will not have to suffer, the way women of my generation have suffered.

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Nour aoun nza3ajit la2ano l article is about pubic hair , jst dont read it nor comment ... This article is a must, little girls grow thinking that pubic hair must be removed and forgot that infection rate is higher when ur vagina is always naked... They r for a reason.

Pamela Ghawi on May 8, 2015 via mobile web
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Nour aoun is disgusted bcz the article is about growin pubic hair, well dear dont comment and dont read the article... Ummm this article is important bcz little girls grow thinking that pubic hair is a must to remove, they forgot that infection rate is higher ... They r here for a reason...

Pamela Ghawi on May 8, 2015 via mobile web
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Uhhh... the advice to throw out conventions and grow out your bush instead of waxing, bleaching, burning, shaving and whatever other heinous acts are involved in the removal of precious hairs around the pubic area.

Angie Nassar on May 8, 2015 via web