I tried an avocado juice once. It was February 2014. The avocado was unripe and flavorless. It was chunky and hard to digest. It had honey on top, but it was like putting lipstick on a pig. There was no use hiding it; it wasn’t good. "Avocado juice, bad idea," I said to myself. I stayed away.

Fast forward to today. I’m on the phone calling Tutti Frutti, placing my usual order. I have come to believe that you have arrived in life when the person who answers the phone knows what you want from the sound of your voice. You've barely said “hello” and the delivery guy is halfway to your house, bearing gifts of your usual order.


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Incidentally, my “usual” from Tutti Frutti is a mix of carrot, orange and apple juice with a healthy helping of ginger. It’s delicious. Feeling sick? Chug-a-lug some of that bad boy and you’ll instantly feel better. Feeling fine? Drink it anyway. You’ll still feel better.

My order placed, I was about to hang up the phone, but then I remembered my horoscope for this month said I should try new foods. And then I read on the internet that avocados are good for you. Specifically, I read that they are good for your vagina. Who among us doesn't want a healthy vagina?

So I ordered a small mango-avocado juice along with my usual mix. It came, and then I nearly came in my mouth from the sheer deliciousness.

The texture was creamy, custardy. The taste was sweet but not too sweet. It’s healthier than say, a milkshake from McDonald’s, but not so healthy you’re in danger of turning into one of those people who can only lecture everyone about how they need to go on a juice cleanse. I realize that when I had avocado juice before, the avocados were not fully ripe. It wasn’t avocado season. So of course they were disgusting. Unripe avocados aren’t fit for dog food.

But right now, ladies and gents, the avocados are just fine. Summertime, and the avocados are just ripe for the picking. Get em’ while they’re amazeballs.

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