Area Students Complain That Cats are Behaving Badly in Beirut
Lebanese student Nada Halwani, 19, says the increasingly inappropriate behavior of cats at Beirut universities has reached a fever pitch.
“It cannot go on any longer,” she told Beirut.com in an interview earlier this week. “We as citizens of Beirut must take collective action to call attention to these disgraceful cats, who make a mockery of our values and our ethics.”
Halwani says the cats aren’t just behaving badly in Beirut, but bringing shame and dishonor to the education system, specifically the prestigious American University of Beirut (where most cats reside) – and by extension – the nation of Lebanon. “When it is not sunning itself on its back like a common prostitute, it is aggressively jumping up on the heels of AUB students or forcing itself upon their lunch tables while they are dining. It has no sense of decency,” Halwani was quoted as saying.
Halwani also claims the cats make a mockery of academia. “Like a wanton harlot, she sits here, waiting for students to take her picture, as though she cares nothing for literature, or the sciences, as though she has never even heard the name Aristotle. What kind of example is she setting for our students as they conduct their studies?”
A student at the Lebanese American University, Rami Ghosn, expressed similar concerns over the outrageous number of cats in the neighborhood. “I’ve seen several cats aggressively accosting innocent and unprotected bystanders by trying to steal their food. And then, like petty thieves, they run off and hide under a bush, alone, as though their sole vocation in this world is to eat and sleep.”
It is only a matter of time before all of the cats at AUB and LAU take over the city of Beirut, tearing food from the mouths of students and distracting them from their studies. “I call on all those concerned about the future well-being and decency of Lebanese society to call out “for shame! For shame! For shame!” Ghosn said.
Disclaimer for the slow and un-funny: this was a satirical blog post.
A cat is seen taking over the admissions process, permitting in only students who promise donations of one tuna can every day.(Image via Instagram)
