Lebanese student Nada Halwani, 19, says the increasingly inappropriate behavior of cats at Beirut universities has reached a fever pitch.

"It cannot go on any longer," she told Beirut.com in an interview earlier this week. "We as citizens of Beirut must take collective action to call attention to these disgraceful cats, who make a mockery of our values and our ethics."

(Image via Instagram)

Halwani says the cats aren't just behaving badly in Beirut, but bringing shame and dishonor to the education system, specifically the prestigious American University of Beirut (where most cats reside) - and by extension - the nation of Lebanon. "When it is not sunning itself on its back like a common prostitute, it is aggressively jumping up on the heels of AUB students or forcing itself upon their lunch tables while they are dining. It has no sense of decency," Halwani was quoted as saying.

Halwani also claims the cats make a mockery of academia. "Like a wanton harlot, she sits here, waiting for students to take her picture, as though she cares nothing for literature, or the sciences, as though she has never even heard the name Aristotle. What kind of example is she setting for our students as they conduct their studies?"

(Image via Instagram)

A student at the Lebanese American University, Rami Ghosn, expressed similar concerns over the outrageous number of cats in the neighborhood. "I've seen several cats aggressively accosting innocent and unprotected bystanders by trying to steal their food. And then, like petty thieves, they run off and hide under a bush, alone, as though their sole vocation in this world is to eat and sleep."

It is only a matter of time before all of the cats at AUB and LAU take over the city of Beirut, tearing food from the mouths of students and distracting them from their studies. "I call on all those concerned about the future well-being and decency of Lebanese society to call out “for shame! For shame! For shame!” Ghosn said.

Disclaimer for the slow and un-funny: this was a satirical blog post.

A cat is seen taking over the admissions process, permitting in only students who promise donations of one tuna can every day.(Image via Instagram)

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people...take a chill pill...it's a freakin funny article ...and it's not completely made up...you'd know if you've been to AUB or LAU...but again....arabs turn into hardcore animal rights activists whenever they want to....so ya...go ahead..

Nabih Omar Agha on May 11, 2015 via web
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Does no one have anything better to write about? Beirut.com, please come up with something worth reading.. I re read this twice, cause I honestly needed to make sure that this was something that people were taking seriously! We should be proud of having these cats around.. These are cats... They aren't wild beasts! And if anyone seriously thinks that these cats, who don't even reach half way up to your knees, are going to take over the city, you've all been watching too many movies! I can't stop laughing

Jo Daya on May 11, 2015 via mobile web
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I agree with Alec ... we should be so proud .. even a 7 year old would not write this "shame"!

Sonya Sabbah on May 11, 2015 via web