Welcome to our first installment in what will hopefully be a recurring edition of Bang, Marry, Kill in which we analyze three celebrities or public figures, both Lebanese and international, and decide who we would bang, kill, and marry.
Leader of the Dothraki people in Game of Thrones. We do not mean the actor Jason Momoa, rather. the character of Khal Drogo.
The Verdict: Bang: Gordon Ramsay Marry: Khal Drogo Kill: Rabih El-Zein
Before you all lose your cool, let me explain the method to my madness. Let’s break it down:
The banging of Gordon Ramsay Okay, sure the man has a face that is identical to a cauliflower, but I need to see what happens in bed. Will he curse at me? Will he throw under-cooked lamb sauce in my face? These are questions that need to be answered. But mostly, Ramsay is a chef, which means he can easily whip up pre and post sex snacks. His hatred for mediocrity in cooking is also admirable, because who doesn’t love a passionate man?
The marrying of Khal Drogo Where do I start? First of all, Drogo is probably the sexiest name on Earth. Secondly, Drogo is a powerful warrior. He will promise to recapture the seven kingdoms for you, he will develop a tender side and call you the “moon of his life,” and he will tear out the tongue of anyone who insults his wife; these are only some of the basic things I look for in a spouse. Also: horses, he has hundreds of them. Now onto Drogo’s physical appearance: yes to the eyeliner, yes to the ruggedness, yes to that chest, yes to the perfect eyes, yes to the strange tattoos, yes to it all.
The killing of Rabih El-Zein
Sorry, bro. I just don’t feel like we have that much in common, and I know you’d feel the same. Look how plucked and preened you are; your eyebrows are shaped, your underarms and chest are shaved, your teeth are bleached, and your hair is coiffed. You are probably on a perpetual diet which means you watch your margarita and guacamole intake – yet another disparity between the two of us. Dead. Dead. Dead.
