Most Lebanese men (except the perpetually perfect Dani Eid) look like a fugly version of Tom Selleck; I am willing to meet with anyone who disagrees with this categorization and hash it out over several drinks.

That being said, the very same Lebanese men are actually quite picky when it comes to the women they date; this is the direct result of years of maternal coddling and misplaced ego-boosting. Here is what most Lebanese men tend to expect of their significant others:


Looks


1. Hairless, like a sphynx cat
2. Curvy and natural, as long as that means naturally skinny with huge tits and a great ass
3. Skinny but not on a perpetual diet; eats tons of pizza but is still magically skinny
4. A minimum of 7 centimeters shorter than the man
5. Large, beautiful, perky breasts that are huge but somehow defy gravity to point upwards
6. Tame and silky hair they can bury their face in and exhale all their mommy issues into
7. Fashionable but also super casual, looks great in sweatpants and heels
8. Wears little to no make-up but should look exceptional minutes after waking up
9. Retreats into a cave during her menstrual cycle, reappears looking hotter than ever


Sex


1. High libido and stamina
2. Adores sex and giving blowjobs
3. But also a virgin
4. Sends nudes but is extremely conservative
5. Not too enthusiastic about sex because c’mon, that’s slutty, man
6. In fact, can she just be a virgin who is gorgeous and great at the reverse-cowgirl position? Also, loves giving oral sex, but not slutty – definitely not slutty


Personality


1. Extremely polite but also super humorous and raunchy
2. Like she has to be your bro and totally go out for pizza and beer with you, but she has to be super lady-like and eat said pizza with a fork and knife
3. She should love food and be able to eat more than a man, but she can’t be gross or overweight; mustn’t burp or make number twos
4. Is docile and submissive to her man, but a kick-ass business woman
5. Dumber than her male counterpart, except in the areas of cooking and cleaning (heehee)
6. Finds the man hilarious but giggles extremely quietly as not to be vulgar or gross
7. She needs to be meek and quiet, but outspoken and strong like the man’s mommy
8. Worships the man but also treats him like a piece of garbage

So there you have it, in order to land an exceptional Lebanese man you just have to embody 99% of the qualities seen above. And before several of you start to cry and denounce your mommy issues, keep in mind that this is a joke.

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I disagree with del farhat i say up the dose! Live it up

Elie M. Iskandar on Jun 12, 2015 via mobile web
 
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Brilliant!

Elie M. Iskandar on Jun 12, 2015 via mobile web
 
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Brilliant

Elie M. Iskandar on Jun 12, 2015 via mobile web