Summer Survival Hacks: The Problem With Dating In The Heat

It’s funny how when movie stars sweat it involves super elegant beads rolling down their tits. When I sweat, I get a fun sweat-mustache and a facial redness that will make you concerned for my health.

Anyway, even though it’s disgustingly hot and humid in Beirut, many of us still want to go on dates. Here are some hacks to help you date despite the heat.

1. Use protection

No, we don’t mean condoms. We’re talking about deodorant, good old-fashioned antiperspirant to clog up your sweaty pits and prevent you from looking like they just went for a swim without the rest of your body. Ignore people who tell you deodorant gives you cancer – if you remain cancer-free but smell like a trashcan, nobody will want to be around you anyway.

2. Pick the right place

Are you kidding me with your attempts at partying on a rooftop bar in 39-degree heat? No. Take your ass to a well air-conditioned space and slide ice cubes down your shirt when your date isn’t looking.

3. Carry a spare pair of underwear

Summer weather wreaks havoc on your underpants, it’s okay, you can admit it – this is a safe space. The last thing you want when you’re heading to an impromptu hook-up is for your date to see your sweat soaked underpants. Discretely change before you attempt penetration.

4. Easy on the make-up

Nothing will make you look like The Joker more than caked on make-up streaking down your face. It’s not a good look.

5. Don’t walk

Do not, under any circumstance, walk to your date. That’s the easiest way for you to show up with a humidity-induced afro and a thick layer of under-boob sweat for the women, and that weird lower-back sweat patch for men. Dish out the extra 5,000 LL for valet.

6. Skip dating

Instead of dating, have you tried having hot hotel sex in a well air-conditioned space? Try it.