A caveat before we begin: nobody likes a cheater. In a perfect world, all men would be gorgeous, dignified monogamists in the mold of Matt Damon or Vito Corleone. But since we don’t live in a perfect world and since cheaters have to eat too, here is a list of the top five restaurants to take your mistresses.

1. Cavalli Caffe Beirut

Close to the sea and only a few steps away from overpriced fashion boutiques, Cavalli Caffe boasts the perfect environs for you and your not significant other. With its over-the-top flashy interior, any sense of appetite-suppressing guilt is minimized when you realize you are not the only cheater there.

2. Barbar

With its mouth-watering and artery-clogging menu, Barbar is a great place for a secret rendezvous. Most appealing is its round-the-clock hours of operation and if you go there after midnight (when your wife and kids are asleep) the chances are high that anyone you run into that you’d know is either high or drunk.

3. Urbanista

Just because you don’t have any ethics doesn’t mean you should eat food that’s unethical. With its free-range chicken and organic menu, Urbanista has a great selection of healthy and nutritious meals. And with most people conducting meetings and studying, you can easily make your illicit bread breaking look totally legitimate.

4. Zaatar w Zeit

Everyone loves Zaatar w Zeit. But be warned: this is a restaurant reserved only for the truly adventurous cheaters —its brightly lit interior and location on Hamra’s main street means there is very little room to hide from prying eyes. But on the flipside, the prices are super affordable. And shouldn’t you be spending your money on your family instead?

5. Petit Café on the Corniche

The food at Petit Cafe is kinda mediocre but it has two advantages: one is that there is a never-ending supply of nuts and the other is that you can always just jump into the sea if you see your wife coming.

Bon Appetite!

Disclaimer for the humorless: this is a joke, we do not in any way, shape, or form condone cheating.

[Image taken from here.]


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