Things You Should Know When You’re Dating a Lebanese

1. If the song “M3allem” is playing on the radio, your significant other will start singing along and making very strange gestures with their bodies. But don’t worry, they’re not having a seizure – it’s just a dance. You’ll get the M3allem fever soon enough.

2. Once you start meeting their friends and family, you’ll be on the receiving end of tons of kisses, hugs, cheek pinches and basically anything that invades your personal space. Do not complain about it, just learn to accept it as a part of your new life. Oh and by the way, I can’t help you with figuring out whether you should go for two or three kisses because I haven’t figured it out myself.

3. Unless told otherwise, no PDA in front of the girlfriend’s family. Play it safe and keep you hands to yourself, you do not want to anger a father or a brother – trust me. No PDA in front of the boyfriend’s family either because surprise: this is a patriarchal society that would judge you and speculate about your past if you exhibit any signs of sexuality or affection.

4. The family will be asking you hundreds of questions about your parents, your job, your parents’ job, religion, political affiliation, and your future. Come prepared, it’s just like a job interview except more awkward.

5. Once you get introduced to your boyfriend’s friends, you will witness a heavy occurrence of winks and nods at your man, do not be frightened, these are merely signs of approval…basically, they think you’re hot. When introduced to your girlfriend’s friends, expect a lot of side eyeing and bitch face gazes, it’s okay, they’re just overprotective of her…or jealous.

6. You will be hearing many “mo7ame el deir” jokes. Do not question them or ask about the reference, just don’t. Laugh, smile, and nod – that’s a basic survival mechanism.

7. Expect lots and lots and lots of food at family dinners. They’re not trying to get you fat or anything, we’re just generous people who love food. You will absolutely love the Lebanese cuisine so you’re not going to mind all the extra pounds you’ll put on.

8. You are guaranteed to hear wedding talk from everyone. They’ll probably have your kids’ names figured out already. And no matter what you do, do not… I repeat DO NOT mention that you don’t want kids, like ever! Even if you and your partner have already agreed on that, just don’t bring it up for everyone’s sake; that sweet grandma’s heart cannot handle such high levels of shock and disappointment.