The 5 Types Of Bad Kissers

Everyone can agree that the first couple of kisses you share with a person are very important, and to some people, it can be a definite deal-breaker. We’ve all met gorgeous Lebanese men who can charm you to death with a simple look, but don’t be fooled. Underneath all that sexiness is a saliva producing factory. Here are five types of bad kisses I’ve experienced with Lebanese men. (Sorry, guys.)

1) The ice cream lover

This person tends to close their eyes and just lick away at your face so passionately that you’d think they’re dreaming about ice cream. The tongue is supposed to go in the mouth, not on my face! I usually shower before going out with someone so why are you insisting on re-bathing me with your tongue? No. Just…no

2) The Woodpecker

Nothing tells your partner how much you love them like an endless series of pecks on their lips like a woodpecker pecking at a tree (quite the tongue twister!). I’m a human woman, not a willow-tree, act accordingly.

3) The infinite loop

This type of kisser is special because, you might think that after you put your lips on their lips, you’ll both kiss passionately while tilting your heads from right to left but no, he has other plans, plans to tilt away into oblivion. You might as well get up and make a sandwich then come back. Don’t worry, he’ll be happily kissing the air and tilting his head left and right, and left and right, and left..…

4) The Black hole

Nothing will stop this guy from kissing you, and I mean nothing. He doesn’t just want to kiss you passionately or bite your lips or even go all puppy on you with his tongue, he wants to suck your lower lip, upper lip and eventually attempt to put your entire head in his mouth. Because there’s nothing sexier being swallowed by someone!

5) The biter

Women: if you have big lips like I do, stay away from these types of kissers. Biting is sexy, but some men don’t know when to stop. Please get some chewing gum to try to resolve some of that jaw tension before you see us. We’re not food nor do we want to wake up the next day with swollen lips. Unless you’re auditioning for a role in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, stay away from excessive biting!