There are two kinds of people in the world: those who know their way around and - well, me. I sincerely admire those who have a keen sense of direction, especially in a chaotic country like ours where your only marks are the dekkeneh and tromba. I wish I had this superpower to avoid the daily drama.

1. On punctuality:

People think I’m such a punctual person, but what they don’t know is that I always leave hours before I actually have to be somewhere because I know I’ll definitely get lost along the way.

2. On the importance of a phone:

There’s no way I could leave my house if my phone isn’t charged to 100%. How else would I check the location or call for directions? And it’s even worse if I’m somewhere with poor cell service.

3. Maps, maps, and more maps:

I can’t imagine my life without Google Maps or the cute little maps that my friends draw me. But when I actually try to look at them, I understand nothing and it looks more like a maze.

4. On the fear that accompanies each trip:

I’m constantly terrified to go anywhere that’s outside my comfort zone, although sometimes I pretend I know where I’m going, but deep down I know it’s going to end in a terrible way.

5. On the lack of recollection:

And even if I’ve been to a place many times before, I can’t help but ask again for directions because honestly, I have no clue or recollection of how to get there.

6. On the definite road:

I also tend to always take a certain route I’m used to, even if it’s a huge detour, but I don’t care as long as it’s my mark. And because no shortcut has ever worked out for me. So yeah, going from Hamra to Downtown might involve me driving back to my house first so I can properly reroute.

7. On getting lost:

And when I realize I’m actually lost, I start panicking and suddenly it feels like everyone is following me in a creepy way.

8. On the desperate calls for help:

So the first thing I do is turn down the radio and open a window before calling a friend for help, and secretly hoping that anyone would meet and rescue me.

9. On the worry:

That is, if my friends didn’t already call or text me because I should’ve showed up half an hour ago. And they always ask, "where are you?" - to which I reply, "I have no freaking clue."

10. On the final struggle:

And when I finally make it to my destination, there begins the struggle to remember where the hell I parked my car.


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Oh my God

Mona Boustany on Aug 4, 2016 via mobile web