I Watched A Fares Karam Music Video And My Eyes Still Hurt
During the wee hours of Sunday, somebody I trust sent me a link. I mindlessly clicked on that link not knowing it would change my life forever.
It was the music video to the poetic song, “Bala Hob Bala Bateekh”. I’ll pause for a second so you can make peace with the fact that that is a real song title.
It opens with a very bloated looking Fares approaching his very constipated looking woman who’s continuously rebuffing his very sexy advances.
All this is set in what looks like the site where Liberace ass-raped Julius Caesar.
She’s wearing a choker around her neck which is appropriate because he continuously pets her on the head, much like I pet my beautiful dog.
THEN: TWIST: MAJOR SHIFT: It’s two years later.
Fares is chilling in a gross monogrammed bathrobe. It is monogrammed in gold letters in case you had any doubts that he’s an asshole, the gold-lettering would help confirm the fact.
Fares is living large; being dotted on and stroked by a plethora of models who make him watermelon juice and dress him in cheap-looking leather goods.
I know what you’re thinking, “Was this video sponsored by the dildo store?” Probably.
The horrific dresses and uniforms these girls are wearing, the sheer amount of flammable material barely covering their vaginas is…staggering.
And all the outfits are also monogrammed with the letters F K as in, Fares Karam. Because they’re his property, you guys. Please try to keep up with this nuanced and deeply insightful video.
At the 1 minute 25-second mark, Fares starts singing and you immediately forgive his misogynistic and horrific video because you’d pay cold hard cash to go back to when he was galavanting in silence.
Fares, you gigantic bloated misogynistic douche. Who pitched this idea to a studio? Who agreed to make this? Was there not one single normal human consulted? How many butterfly tattoos were on set?
All legitimate questions.
Fares is then chauffeured around by a female driver. Silly Fares, everybody knows women shouldn’t drive! Fares harasses pedestrians and gives so many thumbs-ups you’d think this was the 90s.
He’s then frisked by two cops and the video ends. You breathe a sigh of relief and curl up in a fetal position.
