We’re just here to walk you through the basics of Lebanese driving. It’s up to you to take your road-rage journey from here on out.

1. You can park just anywhere as long as your flashers are on.



Sidewalk parking? Double parking? Triple parking? Hexatruple parking? Middle-of-the-road parking? Middle-of-the-road-in-utter-darkness parking? You name it. The entire universe is at your sweet disposal and you shall indulge on this abundant blessing as long as it lasts.


2. You must hold your hand against the horn at all times.



The horn is your best friend and lifelong partner that won’t ever forsake your precious soul. Please go ahead and abuse this noisy bundle of annoyance at your own rhythm regardless of the significance of the trigger if you haven’t already.


3. If dodging potholes is not your ultimate goal, then kindly reconsider the purpose of your existence.



What do you mean you haven’t memorized every single pothole on your way home and developed the outcome into a full-fledged mental map yet? Are you even a functioning human?


4. You shall not, under any circumstances, allow another vehicle to undertake you.



They see me rollin’ they hatin’ but imma just keep on rollin’ and WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TRYING TO COME ROLLIN’ PAST ME?


5. Indicators are merely optional.



Why go through the enormous hassle of activating your indicators when your hand can do just fine? Or even better, why bother with the whole signals thing in the first place? The driver behind you is almost certainly a superior human entity born with the innate ability of tracking your impulsive behavioral tendencies and ultimately predicting the future by the sheer millisecond.


6. The highway is your playground, no lanes attached.



Lane markers are merely a decorative artistic display that only survived as a matter of tradition and is strictly not meant to serve any vital function otherwise. This being said, you can always abide by the historical habit of driving in between lanes in order to allow your vehicle the personal space it most needs.


7. Get ready to swerrrrrrrrrrrrve by anything that might come up in front of you (because literally ANYTHING might come up in front of you).



Just swerrrrrrrrrrrrrve past the obstacles like no tomorrow.


8. You are up against four deadly clans: Trucks, Buses, Minivans and Motorcycles.



According to the survival of the biggest rule, you must make way for the first three clans as they can literally overtake the brakes out of your car and petrify your entire existence if you don’t. The last one may be much smaller in size but its impact goes way beyond that of a truck which goes back to the same.


9. There are two places where you absolutely need to prove yourself: intersections and roundabouts.



This is basically where the mad skills you’ve acquired over the years are bound to shine. It’s time to put your GTA heritage to test and reveal your beastly self to the entire world.


10. Never take red lights for granted.



WARNING: extreme alertness required. Always look in both directions when it’s your turn to pass in order to prevent the dangerous complications of potentially running into a fleeting vehicle on the go.


11. You are always welcome to get close and personal with the car in front of you.



You actually keep a safe distance between you and the car in front of you? This is just outrageous. You ought to get personal or else it just wouldn’t work.


12. You must wear your pissed off face at all times.



You need to pull your most vicious angry look out of the hat as soon as your enter your car kingdom for added impact and credibility.

Comments

Avatar 1
Post to facebook
 
Avatar 2

Bottlenecks are our specialty

Shadi Abdelkhalek on Sep 1, 2016 via mobile web
 
Avatar 2

You forgot the have at all times to have your telephone in the hand together with mascara or lipstick, texting while driving is also a must!!

Ineke Braamhaar on Aug 31, 2016 via web