Myriam Klink loves animals.

And I’m not just talking about one-eyed snakes.

Guys, I’m joking - please calm down.

Myriam is an animal lover; her work with cocks is truly remarkable. That was the last one, I swear. Myriam loves real animals - she even has a pet donkey named Fawrouza. I once watched a donkey show in Tijuana, strongly recommended.

The queen of Klinkistan found herself in the middle of a brand new controversy last week when photographs of her dog, Za3im, with his fur dyed bright pink surfaced online, Myriam accompanied him dressed like something a Japanese businessman would order to his hotel room.

Animal lovers were quick to judge her but she immediately (and quite incoherently) explained that she had used a product made from “natural sources” and that we commoners can’t even afford said product!

Anyway, who cares - really. That dog getting dyed pink was probably the least traumatic thing that happened to him that morning. I mean, could you imagine living with Myriam? She literally thinks she’s the queen of a fictitious land.

What kind of things does this semi-Golden Retriever see on a daily basis? Does he have to listen to her singing all the time without the sweet mask of heavy autotune?

Did he have to witness her peeing on an ex-boyfriends laptop? (Props, I’m stealing that move for my next inevitable failure of a relationship.)

Should we open up a protective agency for dogs we rescue from weird reality stars? We’d start by rescuing Stella, the valiant pup that puts up with The Sister’s bullshit. I don’t know - does anyone have the time to set this up? I have my hands full with trying to save their brave housekeeper, Abby.

Myriam, I love you. Please take me underneath your tit — I mean wing.

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