6 Signs You’ve Won Your Break Up

Note for the humorless: these are only jokes.

If you’re a fairly petty person who cares about beating your exes at life, this one’s for you!

1. His/Her Parents Keep In Touch With You

This is a definite sign that his/her parents are so in love with you that they betray their own child to just hear your angelic voice.

2. They Get Really Sick

Like unidentifiable disease type of sick. Maybe you’re so annoying that you deplete entire immune systems, maybe you’re patient zero – who knows. Either way, winning.

3. You Take Ownership Of Your Favorite Spots

You don’t have to literally own them, but make sure you spend so much time at your favorite spots and keep going there until they have to find alternative places to hang out, preferably as far away as possible.

4. You Start Dating First

Bonus points if they see you out on a date while they’re dressed in that grey sweater you hated. And they’re with their cousin while you’re with a hot as fuck person.

5. His/Her Friends Reach Out

They miss your delightful company, they’re even considering dumping their loser friend so they can hang out with you.

6. They Text You First

Bye.