You know, besides all the actual crime that is constantly overlooked.

1. Those big buses with musical horns.

I have almost crashed my car so many times after getting startled by that dumb sing-song horn.

Suitable punishment: They get their bus un-decorated.

2. People who block public parking spots with chairs.

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Fuck you to death.

Suitable punishment: Death. I’m serious.

3. Cab drivers who honk incessantly.

I just realized all my peeves are road-related, I probably should stay home more often. But fuck you, cab drivers who honk at anyone resembling a pedestrian. WE WILL HAIL YOU IF WE NEED YOU!

Suitable punishment: Cut their pinky nails off.

4. Family friends who just ‘drop in’.

We don’t have a bra on, couldn’t you call?

Suitable punishment: You get walked in on while masturbating for the rest of your life.

5. People who take too long to order at Starbucks.

Your only choices are literally coffee or tea, as well as baked goods that are displayed right in your face. What’s with the fifty questions?

Suitable punishment: No more coffee for you.

6. People driving with their high beams on.

Thank you for helping me get rid of my retinas, they were so annoying! I understand your impulse to turn your high beams on, but have one ounce of common sense.

Suitable punishment: Be forced to stare into uneven high beams for an hour.

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