Lebanese mums.. ahh. Where do I start? Growing up you were never sure if you love them or hate them, and as you get older you start to realise how right they were all along (about most things, at least). Here are a few (terrifying) things most Lebanese mums have in common. If you have any additions, feel free to leave a comment below so we can all have a giggle!

 
1. The death stare:

Out in public as a kid and mama gives you the death stare? It means stop whatever the hell you're doing and shut up. Even now, 22 years later, I still get that exact same look that to this day sends shivers down my spine. Satan would be jealous.


2. Or the three cursed fingers:

If you get the three fingers, held together that usually mean “hala2 bfarjeek/bfarjeeke” with or without the death stare, I suggest you run away. Preferably to another planet. 


3. It's all your dad's fault:

Whatever is wrong with you, whether it’s your stubbornness or big nose, it’s a result of your dad’s flawed genes.





4. But "ask baba":

Wanna go out with your friends? "S2ale bayik/bayak“ will most probably be her reply. For me, this just meant don't bother asking, pretend he said yes, and do whatever I want anyway since baba will most probably say "s2ale emmik“ because he’s petrified of her too.


5. Shouting is their main form of communication:

I have never met a Lebanese mother that doesn’t shout. Sore throat? Lost voice? She will still find a way.





6. Her WhatsApp display picture is most probably you and your siblings:

Nine times out of ten, a Lebanese mother’s Whatsapp picture is a random, blindingly ugly selfie you once sent her which she somehow sees as attractive. 


7. The Facebook love is real:

She is your biggest fan on social media. From her poetic comments in admiration of your beauty to her compulsively liking every single thing you post, I’ve never felt more loved. Although if you post something she doesn’t approve of, prepare yourself for one of her signature bahdale texts. *Edits FB privacy*


8. She brags about you, no matter what:

Even if you’re the world’s most annoying kid. You’re always “top of the class” to all your family and friends and have some kind of superhuman achievements that all her friends envy.





9. But at home, you’re still the worst child ever:

She will forever compare you to her best friend’s kid. Or your cousins. Or both. “Do you think Maha’s room would ever look this messy!?”


10. …And your grades are NEVER good enough:





11. The horror stories about “hashish”:

Beware of sweets, they might be laced with hash! You could overdose on hash. People die from hash. I don’t know what it is about mothers and hashish (a bad trip once, perhaps?) but boy was this our worst fear as kids.





12. They are never ever wrong:

Never question her. Never even attempt to tell her she is wrong. And if you do, she’ll probably hit you with "ma tetfalsaf/tetfalsafe”. Part of me wants a philosophy degree just to wave at her every time I hear this!


13. They never answers their mobile phones:

But heaven forbid you don’t answer yours. The mere thought of seeing more than one missed call from mama is absolutely terrifying.


14. And you’ll always be their baby:

I used to get very frustrated with her treating me like a kid. I graduated, got a job, moved out and finally realized that no matter what, we’ll always be their babies! Frustrating during puberty indeed when all you want to do is rebel, but adorable when you grow up and realise that there really is no place like home.

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