Listomania
Christina Fakhry

The 8 Main Types of Lebanese People On LinkedIn

Your daily dose of stereotypical LinkedIn madness, phrased responsibly into one stereotypical article.

Disclaimer: some people are too complicated to fit under just one type and thus might constitute a hybrid mix of two or more categories.

1. The Overindulged Multitasker

These fellas enjoy squeezing corporate clichés into every corner of their profile and also happen to do (or just think they do) too many things at once, therefore becoming a walking, talking professional-specialist-strategist-trainer-consultant-guru-nuclear physicist-life coach extravaganza. The most prevalent type among Lebanese LinkedIn users hands down.

2. The Novel Writer

Somebody needs to tell these guys that NOBODY EVER wants to read the 3-page generic job description that they plagiarized word for word from their employment contract under each of their listed positions on LinkedIn and thank you very much.

3. The 500+ Mystery

Do you ever come across these accounts with 500+ connections but not a single hint/piece of information in any of the available profile sections and start questioning the Internet and your existence?

4. The Seasoned Perfectionist

These are the people who have basically managed to nail every single aspect of their LinkedIn profile to utter perfection and are currently sitting behind their screens somewhere in the vast universe with a cup of green tea in their hand, judging you.

5. The Clueless Wanderer

This is basically when you look at someone’s profile and just feel sorry for the very moment it occurred to them to join LinkedIn because of how creatively disorganized and dramatically misplaced their info is. Many newbies start off in this unfortunate category but it turns out some of them never actually manage to upgrade from the mess.

6. The Tinder Fugitive

The predominantly male few who still think of LinkedIn as a dating network (and probably think the same of every other social network), ranging from pathetically humorous to humorously pathetic.

7. The Grammatical Prodigy

These guys are cool and all but their profiles constitute a regrettable online display of grammatico-linguistic disasters. The deeper your scroll, the more you find yourself doubting the existential value of proofreading, dictionaries, online thesauri and the modern education system as a whole.

8. The Nothingist Everythingist

Yet another prevalent type, made up of people who have just so much listed in their LinkedIn profile to the point where it seriously makes you go WOW at first glance, but then you start reading and it turns out most of their accomplishments revolve around running for class president in 3rd grade or receiving a certificate of attendance for their participation in a 2-hour conference on the benefits of green apples in 2008. Also the kind of people who would update their professional headline to “Citrus Fluids Manager” for selling Lemonade in their backyard. Sad.