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8 Songs To Get You Through Every Different Type Of Lebanese Traffic
From Beirut’s all-encompassing morning gridlock on weekdays to spending 45 minutes of your afternoon in the same spot on the Jounieh highway any given Saturday, today’s playlist vows to deeply understand and sympathetically melodize the entirety of your road-induced pain and sorrow, one song at a time.
1. When you’re rolling to work peacefully on a Tuesday morning but then the Nahr El Kalb traffic board cordially informs you that “حركة المرور خانقة من النقاش حتى نهر الموت”.
Don’t speak – No Doubt
Although the entire song is genuinely expressive of what you’d be feeling in this particularly chattering case, your main focus should be the chorus for heightened dramatic effect: Don’t speak! I know just what you’re saying. So please stop explaining. Don’t tell me cause it hurts. Don’t speak! I know what you’re thinking. I don’t need your reasons. Don’t tell me cause it hurts…
2. When you confidently think you’re gonna make it to the other side on time but the traffic light turns red just when you’re about to cross.
Oops!…I did it again – Britney Spears
You might not hear it, but you can surely feel it beaming straight out of that red light, only to play on repeat inside your duped little head.
3. Every single time you attempt to look at, get on or drive past Lebanon’s infamous urban architectural marvel known as Dora Bridge.
The Kill (Bury Me) – 30 Seconds to Mars
COOOOOMEEEEEEE BREAK MEEEE DOOOOWNNNN BURY ME BURY ME I AM FINISHED WITH YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
4. When you’re already suffering your heart out in Hamra traffic and the car in front of you suddenly decides to stop, right then, right there.
Move If You Wanna – MIMS
Your reaction for the first 5 seconds of utter denial is basically the first half of the chorus: Move if you wanna if you wanna if you wanna. Move. Move if you wanna if you wanna if you wanna. Move-Move if you wanna if you wanna if you wanna. Move-Move if you wanna move-move if you wanna move.
But then intensity starts to build up in the next 30 seconds, which brings us to the second half of the chorus: MOVE IF YOU WANNA IF YOU WANNA IF YOU WANNA. MOVE-MOVE IF YOU WANNA IF YOU WANNA IF YOU WANNA. MOVE-MOVE IF YOU WANNA IF YOU WANNA IF YOU WANNA. MOVE-MOVE IF YOU WANNA IF YOU WANNA IF YOU WANNA MOVE.
Until you finally get the chance to forge a teeny-tiny path past that car against all odds to the fulfilling sound of the following lyrics from verse 1: I can get you hemmed up while I’m being tailored, THEN I SLIDE OFF TO THE SIDE LIKE A FADER!
5. When you’re driving on the right side of the highway and a truck appears out of the sheer blue a few centimeters ahead.
Stop! – Sam Brown
[Jump straight to chorus] Oooh you’d better STOP before you tear me all apart. Ooh you’d better STOP before you go and break my heart. Ooh you’d better STOOOPPPPPP.
6. When you take one wrong turn in Ashrafieh and end up regretting your entire existence trying to find your way back for next three hours.
The Scientist – Coldplay
On the spot: Nobody said it was easy, it’s such a shame for us to part.
After 30 minutes of wandering: Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard.
Ultimate solution: I’m going back to the start
7. When you’re kind enough to make space for the car next to you in traffic but then it surprises you two seconds later and sneaks its way in front of you like nothing ever happened.
Where Is The Love? – The Black Eyed Peas
Perfect reminder of the inherent arrogance and sheer ungratefulness of the human species. WHERE IS THE LOVE YO?
8. When you realize you’re finally about to make it to your destination after all the road drama your soul has been subjected to.
Survivor – Destiny’s Child
If you make it on time (the unlikely scenario): I’m a survivor, I’m not gon’ give up. I’m not gon stop, I’m gon work harder. I’m a survivor, I’m gonna make it. I will survive, keep on survivin’…
If you don’t make it on time because traffic actually got worse (the likely scenario): Thought it would be over by now, but it won’t stop. Thought that I would self-destruct, but I’m still here. Even in my years to come, I’m still gon be here…
1. When you’re rolling to work peacefully on a Tuesday morning but then the Nahr El Kalb traffic board cordially informs you that “حركة المرور خانقة من النقاش حتى نهر الموت”.
Don’t speak – No Doubt
Although the entire song is genuinely expressive of what you’d be feeling in this particularly chattering case, your main focus should be the chorus for heightened dramatic effect: Don’t speak! I know just what you’re saying. So please stop explaining. Don’t tell me cause it hurts. Don’t speak! I know what you’re thinking. I don’t need your reasons. Don’t tell me cause it hurts…
2. When you confidently think you’re gonna make it to the other side on time but the traffic light turns red just when you’re about to cross.
Oops!…I did it again – Britney Spears
You might not hear it, but you can surely feel it beaming straight out of that red light, only to play on repeat inside your duped little head.
3. Every single time you attempt to look at, get on or drive past Lebanon’s infamous urban architectural marvel known as Dora Bridge.
The Kill (Bury Me) – 30 Seconds to Mars
COOOOOMEEEEEEE BREAK MEEEE DOOOOWNNNN BURY ME BURY ME I AM FINISHED WITH YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
4. When you’re already suffering your heart out in Hamra traffic and the car in front of you suddenly decides to stop, right then, right there.
Move If You Wanna – MIMS
5. When you’re driving on the right side of the highway and a truck appears out of the sheer blue a few centimeters ahead.
Stop! – Sam Brown
[Jump straight to chorus] Oooh you’d better STOP before you tear me all apart. Ooh you’d better STOP before you go and break my heart. Ooh you’d better STOOOPPPPPP.
6. When you take one wrong turn in Ashrafieh and end up regretting your entire existence trying to find your way back for next three hours.
The Scientist – Coldplay
7. When you’re kind enough to make space for the car next to you in traffic but then it surprises you two seconds later and sneaks its way in front of you like nothing ever happened.
Where Is The Love? – The Black Eyed Peas
Perfect reminder of the inherent arrogance and sheer ungratefulness of the human species. WHERE IS THE LOVE YO?
8. When you realize you’re finally about to make it to your destination after all the road drama your soul has been subjected to.
Survivor – Destiny’s Child