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Sarah Gharzeddine 30 Jul 2012

A collection of the worst pickup lines in Lebanon

There’s something we women tend to take for granted in our daily lives, and that – my dear readers – is creativity. Take caution though, the creativity that I am referring to is not described in any book or inspirational anecdote. This kind of creativity is special: devoid of charm and basic human decency. It’s called the pickup line.

So guys, if your goal is to get rejected by as many girls as possible, then these pickup lines are for you.

1. “Shou ya ashta”
(What’s up cherimoya.)

This does not, in fact, make us weak in the knees, nor does it make us want to jump your bones. Comparing us to the cherimoya fruit will get you nowhere.

2. “Jamelik abba3 blat il hammeim.”
(Your beauty made the bathroom tiles pop out of place.)

Seriously, my beauty did that? I’m so sorry.

3. “Jamelik wa22af il ja7ish bi noss il tal3a.”
(Your beauty made a mule stop in its tracks going up a hill)

Now although I have to admit this one is quite funny, we still would rather not be told that our beauty caused some cross bred horse-donkey creature to stop in awe while watching us ascend up a hill. Thank you, though.

4. “Ya raytne ana il leefe w inte il saboon”
(I wish I were a sponge and you were the soap bar.)

This one’s pretty self explanatory, all I have to say is: ew.

5. Fiyye id3as 3a wijjik? Heik bkoon awwal wa7ad da3as 3al amar.”
(Can I step on your face? This way I would have been the first man to step on the moon.)

Pretty ambitious of you, but no, I would rather you not step on my face so you could be the first man that steps on the moon. Mankind has already achieved that, and, personally, I’m not into that sort of thing.

6. “Foote foote, sar 3anna tkhoote.”
(Come in, we now have mattresses.)

One has to question, why were you just introduced to the creation of a mattress? What were you sleeping on?

7. “Law 3arifa al tiflu nu3umat khaddayki, la taraka il pampers wa khara 3alayki.”
(Had a baby known the softness of your cheeks, it would have left its pampers and pooped on your face instead.)

How? How is anyone capable of coming up with something like that? To be sure, it’s funny, but also seriously insulting. I mean, I’m sure the softness of our cheeks would tempt a child to leave its diaper and take a dump on our face instead. Call us old fashioned, but we don’t want to hear that.

Although the above is meant as a humorous jab at our xy chromosome counterparts, there’s some truth in all this. Men, if you really want to talk women, then approach us casually and with confidence, not cockiness. And as for the ladies, as much as I hate admitting it, we kind of ask for this kind of unwanted attention at times. If you don’t want the Lebanese adaptation of Shakespearean poetry spoken to you, then don’t dress like you do; less is more and more is less, lesson of life.