Boyfriends, Condoms and Creepy Stalkers

Dear Ivy,

My boyfriend never likes to wear a condom. I use birth control, but I’d really prefer it if we use both. How do I get him to start using them?

Why doesn’t your boyfriend like using condoms? Is it something he tried and disliked or some preconceived notion he formed about condoms? Either way, there are so many different types of condoms out there that are made especially for men who get irritated from them; some are so thin and ultra sensitive that he can forget he’s wearing one. If you’re taking your precautions by using birth control then your man also needs to hold his end of the deal and make some concessions of his own, especially if it makes you feel better.

But here’s a question for you, although I commend your carefulness in preventing an unwanted pregnancy (especially in this town): is that the sole reason why you want him to use condoms or are you hoping they can also protect you from other things like sexually transmitted diseases? If that’s the case, maybe you should do a background check on your man to make sure once and for all that he hasn’t been carrying around some nasty surprises down there for you.

The bottom line is you can NEVER force anyone to do something against their will, but it’s your body to do with as you please.

Dear Ivy,

A guy has been obsessing over me for more than a year. We originally met through a friend. I wasn’t really into him but we exchanged numbers and I convinced myself that if I kept giving him the “uninterested” vibe he’d back off. The exact opposite has happened. He messages and calls me all the time. It’s even gotten to the point where he’ll find out where I’m going on the weekends and basically stalk me at the bar. I don’t want to make him feel worse, but I’m really getting sick of this. What do I do?

How to Prevent a Creepy Stalker Rule #1: Never give a guy you’re not really into your number, no matter how cornered you are – the repercussions are just not worth it. Because in your head you’re just being nice and courteous, but in his sick head ( and obviously he’s sick since he’s gone ahead and decided to stalk you) giving him your number is a sign that you’re interested and would like to get in touch more. It’s simple math.

But that doesn’t mean you had it coming; I have zero-tolerance for guys that don’t get the point – and I’m not sure what sort of tone you’re giving off when he calls – but you need to start oozing some serious attitude. Does your mutual friend know about any of this? Is she still inviting him out to bars? Maybe you need to find yourself some new friends while you’re at it. The next time stalker boy calls, you need to tell him straight up you are not interested and he needs to go away. Don’t worry about hurting his feelings; he needs a serious reality check before he starts showing up at your door. And if the stalking persists after you’ve confronted him than you need to report the douchebag. Call his mommy and daddy and let them know they raised a freak. If that still doesn’t work then maybe he needs to spend a couple of nights in a jail cell. And if that still doesn’t work perhaps it’s time to start checking out some witness protection programs.

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