How to Spice Up Your Relationship and Get Over a Tough Breakup

Dear Ivy,

What is the best way to spice up a relationship that has gone stale? Not only sexually, but in every other aspect of the relationship?

Sorry to break it to you, but I don’t believe relationships should go stale. Of course, it’s not always going to be fireworks and waterfalls, but if you’re both trying to resuscitate a flame, it’s most probably already dead. That’s not to say relationships don’t have their ups and downs, especially with a potent dose of routine, but when things stop coming naturally to the both of you, I wouldn’t force it anymore. That’s why I highly recommend people really get to know each other before taking any big leaps.

But if you’re both absolutely adamant on making things work (or married), then change things up. If after-work Monday afternoons translate into TV dinners then no wonder you’re bored out of your minds. It’s time for a lifestyle change, get a new dramatic haircut, and make him hit the gym, go out to a karaoke bar and keep the neighborhood up all night. Seeing each other in different settings can work wonders.

If all else fails, take some time apart. Stop forcing it. Think Johnny Depp/Vanessa Paradis – even the tightest of couples grow apart.

Dear Ivy,

What’s the best thing to do when you’re in a new relationship but you are still not over your last one? Should you end the new one to save the other person from eventual pain and take some time alone to move on, or stay in the new relationship and move on while taking the risk of potentially hurting your new partner?

Breakups are tough. That’s why getting over them on someone else’s arm is easier. Good for you. Unless your new guy is totally clueless, he’s probably already picked up that you’re not in it 100 percent. He made the decision to stick around. And as long as you’re not declaring your undying love to him already, you have nothing to worry about. It seems you’re new guy wants to keep you around and is willing to take the time to show you why you’re better off with him.

Let it be, no one can truly predict how a relationship will unfold, so why stop it now if you’re having a good time? Would you not take a shiny new car out for a ride because you might potentially get into a crash? I think not. Some people will never fully get over their exes; does that mean they’ll never date again?

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