Dear Ivy: She Kissed Another Guy, Now What?

Dear Ivy,

I just got dumped by the love of my life and am in the single worst emotional pain (next to the death of my grandparents) that I have ever experienced. My friends keep telling me: “You’ll do better, you’re strong,” but I literally haven’t eaten in days. What are some ways to drown out the pain of breaking up with the love of your life?

Alright, I’m gonna just go right ahead and tell you, sadly, that the best breakup remedy is a rebound. But that only works to ease the pain. The only way you’re heart will truly mend is when you realize that you’ll be able to fall in love again. And that doesn’t come easy.

You’re gonna have to change all those future hopes and aspirations where he’s in the picture, and that takes time. I also feel people tend to idolize their exes, reminiscing over and over again on time spent thinking how perfect everything was and thus blaming themselves for the breakup. Don’t bask in self-pity. Don’t sit there and listen to every breakup song in the world and hope the tears will fall. If he was truly worth all that pain, he would have stuck around and worked things out. He didn’t. Now is the time to think about YOUR self-worth. And when you really give it a thought, you’ll start feeling anger not sadness. And that would be the first real step towards moving on.

Dear Ivy,

We have been dating for over a year and a half now, and we are in college. I really don’t want to leave her, but she got drunk at a party and kissed another guy. She apologized a billion times and blamed the booze. What should I do?

You’re in college! You said it yourself. College is one big drunken fest. Of course the booze was to blame. Alcohol – and a lot of it – make people do silly things that they end up regretting. She’s apologized which means she’s sorry. She could have easily dumped you for another guy and you would have been dealing with a painful breakup.

Forgive her, just this one time, since she’s really sorry. Of course, this can’t set a precedent. This is her final shot. If she acts up again, end it. Your girl just wants to live out her college years and that’s understandable. It’s not you – it’s her.

One more thing: if you move past this, don’t bring it up again. That means no dwelling and no bitter random reminders. Or else you’ll end up breaking up six months down the line. Recognize that she made a mistake and move forward. It’s the only way. Cheers!

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Have a question you’d like to know the answer to? Email her at tell.ivy@gmail.com.