Dear Ivy, Does this Qualify As Emotional Cheating?

Dear Ivy,
We’ve been together for 3 months. My girlfriend’s birthday is coming up and she insists she doesn’t want anything. Of course I’m going to get her something, but what is she getting at? Should I just get something small and not make a big deal about it?

No, when a girl says she doesn’t want anything, it is code for “I want something.” Stop asking her. You’ve been together for just three months, she’s not comfortable enough to just say “yes actually can you go buy me that amazing bracelet I’ve been eyeing for a while now.” And if she does point it out, she’ll come off as a gold-digger.

The first gift you’re going to give her unfortunately will reflect your generosity and how serious you are about dating her, but at the same time you don’t want to send her running for the hills with something too serious. I say get her something stylish and non-sentimental like a handbag or a high-end beauty kit.

Dear Ivy,
My husband and I have been married for three years and we’re both in our late twenties. He has over the last year become closer and closer with a female colleague at his office. They go out for happy hour drinks at least once a week after work and also text message pretty regularly (when he’s at home). I recently took a peak at his phone and found a text message from her that just said: “Rarrrrr.” I asked him what it meant and he said it was an inside joke. He swears he has no intimate feelings for her and that they are just “friends.” Even if this doesn’t cross into something physical (my worst nightmare at this point), doesn’t this situation already constitute emotional cheating? The worst part is, whenever I bring this up, I feel like he just thrives in the attention of it all – as if I and his female colleague are somehow competing to win him over. But why? He’s MY husband!

Time to pay him the hubby a visit to his office and size-up the competition. If his colleague greets you and hangs out with you like the three of you were good old’ friends then you’re good, she’s putting her intentions on the table and showing no signs of threat. If she goes into hiding or busy-mode and even drops some strange looks from the corner-of-her-eyes, she is trying to avoid you, and you’re going to need to remedy the situation.

First thing’s first: have a talk with your man. Explain to him the situation as is, without any emotional drama, just let him know plain and simple what her intentions are and how you came to that conclusion. If he tries to laugh it off just ask him how hard he’ll laugh if the situation was reversed?

If he persists insist the three if you hang out, better yet, invite her over to dinner to your place. If the woman had house-breaking intentions, seeing first-hand the life and home the both of you share could give her a reality check and make her retract. Now if she 1) comes over and 2) continues to show shameless over-enthusiastic interest in your husband send me another email, you have a monster on your hands.

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