Dear Ivy: Is He A Porn Addict?

Dear Ivy,
I’ve lived with my boyfriend for almost two years now. I’ll cut right to the chase: he used to look at porn several times a day while I was hanging around the house. It made me feel uncomfortable and I asked him not to do it while I was around. He understood and agreed. This has resulted in him looking at porn every chance he gets: when I jump in the shower, if I go to bed and fall asleep before him, even while I’m in the kitchen cooking us dinner. Basically if I’m not conscious and literally by his side, he’s wanking off. Am I a horny reject or is he a porn addict?

Wow that’s pretty intense, your man sounds like he’s thirteen and you sound like his mother.

Here’s the thing, asking him not to do something when you’re around but allowing it behind your back defeats the purpose. Is there a specific reason you have in mind as to why you would rather he didn’t watch porn? And sure, the fact that he wants to watch it every waking minute of the day like someone who had just discovered is creepy. Are you guys even intimate? I’m assuming you aren’t.

I don’t think there is anything unnatural about your boyfriend watching porn but I also don’t think its right when he has to sneak around to do it because he wants to do it all the time. Has he always been this way, or is this new? If this isn’t a new trend, then yes, he must be an addict. But if this is indeed a freshly found habit then it could be a tell that your sexual life and relationship may be on the rocks. Cancel the cable and have the talk!

Dear Ivy,
My best friends don’t like my girlfriend who I’ve been dating for three months now. They didn’t come right out and tell me but it’s pretty obvious. They hardly make any conversation with her even though she is always trying to be nice and never gets out of line. I brought it up with them a couple of times but they either just deny it or say very little and shrug it off. I don’t know what to do; I love my friends but I really care about her too and don’t want to lose them both. My girlfriend is at a point where she no longer wants to be around them. What should I do?

Your friends are having a very normal reaction to the “other” person in your life that they now have to share you with and who’s probably taking most of your time. This is the most classic case of jealousy in the book. They just need time to adjust.

I think they feel that by ignoring her or interacting minimally she may just have enough, go away and leave you all where you left off, before she came into the picture. And guess what? It’s working. She’s starting to feel uncomfortable and doesn’t want to be around them anymore. What they don’t understand is that their attitude will actually make you spend less time with them. You’re going to have to put your cards out on the table and give them the new reality-check.

Tell them honestly, how you feel about her and why you’d like everything to work out. If your friends care about you, they’ll keep an open mind and make an effort, if they still don’t budge than your friends are most likely in love with you.

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