Dear Ivy: How Do I Get My Best Friend to Lay Off My Man?

Dear Ivy,
I’m almost positive that one of my guy friends is gay, though he has never told me directly. I want to let him know that I support him 100% (whether he’s gay or not) without pressuring him to actually come out to me. I’ve known him for almost a year now and we’re really good friends. Am I supposed to say anything?

That’s a tough one, but here’s how I see things. I’m sure your friend knows he’s got your support whether or not he chooses to spell it out for you; he’s picked up on it the same way your gaydar has sensed his sexual orientation.

And yes, it would be better for two friends to be open and earnest with each other but that’s his move to make not yours, so why rush it? Does it even really matter? As long as you’re not beating around the bush with topics and he’s not putting on a class-act when it comes to his dating life, then I don’t see how you guys can’t just continue doing what it is your doing without any major confessions.

Choosing to live openly-gay is a challenge anywhere in the world, but in a stone-age judgmental society like Lebanon where authorities resort to illogical and inhuman extremes to deal with homosexuality, imagine how much more dangerous and intimidating it could be to come out no matter how much you trust someone.

Dear Ivy,
I think my best friend may have a crush on my new boyfriend. We’ve been friends forever and I really don’t want a guy to come between us but I really like him. She is always very excitable and flirtatious when he’s around and does small touchy gestures like playing with his hair or putting her hand on his shoulder. She’s also never been keen on being the third wheel but this time she’ll offer that the three of go out for dinner and drinks. Last week, I noticed that she’s been chatting with him on Whatsapp. How should I go about this?

I’m all for having my close friends bond with my man; there’s nothing I appreciate more than for everyone to get along like one big happy family. But if you say she’s pushing it then it’s time to lay down the law.

This shouldn’t be about your new man, (even if things don’t work out between the both of you), this is about establishing boundaries and respect. I’m also going to assume that he’s been reciprocating her “niceness” because he wants to score points with you. Whatever you do, don’t say anything to him just yet. Its way too soon in your relationship for jealousy to pop its ugly head!

Clearly, you friend is comfortable sharing what’s yours, only we’re not discussing a new top or handbag here. So the next time she tries to indulge herself call her out on the spot. Say something like “get your hands of my man!” This is her first soft-warning. If she persists in this behavior than you need to stop inviting her along on your dates.

If she still doesn’t get the message, then you’re going to have the talk no matter how awkward it is. She will probably staunchly deny it and it may even cause a rift in your friendship at first, but if she truly cares about you, she’ll keep an open-mind.

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