Five Things to Hate about the Holidays

Every time a holiday season approaches in Lebanon – and let’s be serious, it happens quite a lot in this country – the nightmarish things we hate about it (you know, the ones we’ve buried deep in our subconscious because we’re too busy being excited about having a day off from work) come roaring back with a vengeance.

Here’s five things that might put you off from the holidays

1. Family Visits

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The teitas, the jeddos, the aunts you haven’t seen in ages, the cousins you despise and your great-grandmother’s neighbor’s cousin who you’ve probably never heard of will show up at your door.

You’ll most likely have to sit around all day and wait for them to arrive or worse, get yourself put together and head out to visit them. Accept this as a sentence handed down by the forces of the universe or else face the wrath of your parents’ resentment and disapproval for years to come.

Ah yes, the holidays. A time ripe with family members quizzing you about your life plans, marital status and inability to be exactly who they think it is you should be by this time in your life. They’ve learned to disapprove of your every thought and action like it’s their job. Prepare to laugh at lame jokes because you’re too polite to roll you eyes you HAVE to. Cheers!

2. Binge Eating

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This could be both a reason to love and hate the holidays. I mean, who doesn’t love gorging on copious amounts of food? If you could just manage to stop before you stomach feels like it’s going to birth a food baby. Who am I kidding? That never works.

To be fair here, eating is pretty much synonymous with the previous point on this list: visiting. You visit, you eat. It’s one in the same. tfaddal.

3. Dressing Up

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This question inevitably comes up at least a day before Eid: “What are you going to wear?” Your answer should never be anything less then “Tyeib l Eid,” or “holiday clothing.”

You might hide a forlorn expression under that shirt you just bought and the new pants you paid a fortune to wear for a day, but it still counts as Tyeib l Eid. Ughh!

4. Getting Stuck In Traffic

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If getting stuck in traffic could be classified as an Olympic sport, the Lebanese would easily, easily take home the gold.

You’ll always have this delusional hope when you step out the door that the traffic won’t be that bad, but face it, yes it will be. The sooner you learn to be at peace with this idea, the better off you’ll be.

5. Make Plans That You Can’t Follow Through With

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Now that I think about it, it’s clear this is all connected in some sick web of obligatory masochism: you go on visits, you binge eat, you get dressed up, you get stuck in traffic; the ultimate conspiracy is finally revealed! Holidays were created to make your life miserable.

And sadly, this realization changes nothing. Your plans (you know, the ones having nothing to do with family) always gets canceled because you’ve been condemned to a life of familial servitude.

So get dressed, hold back those tears (there’s no crying in baseball during Eid) and just go. You’ll be back to work in no time. Happy Adha!